The Birds

[Translator uncredited.  Footnotes have been retained because they
provide the meanings of Greek names, terms and ceremonies and explain
puns and references otherwise lost in translation.  Occasional Greek
words in the footnotes have not been included.  Footnote numbers,
in brackets, start anew at [1] for each piece of dialogue, and each
footnote follows immediately the dialogue to which it refers, labeled
thus: f[1].




INTRODUCTION



'The Birds' differs markedly from all the other Comedies of
Aristophanes which have come down to us in subject and general
conception.  It is just an extravaganza pure and simple--a
graceful, whimsical theme chosen expressly for the sake of the
opportunities it afforded of bright, amusing dialogue, pleasing
lyrical interludes, and charming displays of brilliant stage
effects and pretty dresses. Unlike other plays of the same Author,
there is here apparently no serious political MOTIF underlying
the surface burlesque and buffoonery.

Some critics, it is true, profess to find in it a reference to
the unfortunate Sicilian Expedition, then in progress, and a
prophecy of its failure and the political downfall of Alcibiades.
But as a matter of fact, the whole thing seems rather an attempt
on the dramatist's part to relieve the overwrought minds of his fellow-
citizens, anxious and discouraged at the unsatisfactory reports
from before Syracuse, by a work conceived in a lighter vein
than usual and mainly unconnected with contemporary realities.
The play was produced in the year 414 B.C., just when success or
failure in Sicily hung in the balance, though already the outlook
was gloomy, and many circumstances pointed to impending
disaster. Moreover, the public conscience was still shocked and
perturbed over the mysterious affair of the mutilation of the
Hermae, which had occurred immediately before the sailing
of the fleet, and strongly suspicious of Alcibiades' participation
in the outrage. In spite of the inherent charm of the subject,
the splendid outbursts of lyrical poetry in some of the choruses and
the beauty of the scenery and costumes, 'The Birds' failed to
win the first prize. This was acclaimed to a play of Aristophanes'
rival, Amipsias, the title of which, 'The Comastoe,' or 'Revellers,'
"seems to imply that the chief interest was derived from direct
allusions to the outrage above mentioned and to the individuals
suspected to have been engaged in it."

For this reason, which militated against its immediate success,
viz. the absence of direct allusion to contemporary politics--
there are, of course, incidental references here and there to
topics and personages of the day--the play appeals perhaps
more than any other of our Author's productions to the modern
reader. Sparkling wit, whimsical fancy, poetic charm, are of all
ages, and can be appreciated as readily by ourselves as by
an Athenian audience of two thousand years ago, though, of course,
much is inevitably lost "without the important adjuncts
of music, scenery, dresses and what we may call 'spectacle' generally,
which we know in this instance to have been on the most
magnificent scale."

The plot is this. Euelpides and Pisthetaerus, two old Athenians,
disgusted with the litigiousness, wrangling and sycophancy of
their countrymen, resolve upon quitting Attica. Having heard
of the fame of Epops (the hoopoe), sometime called Tereus,
and now King of the Birds, they determine, under the direction
of a raven and a jackdaw, to seek from him and his subject
birds a city free from all care and strife." Arrived at the Palace
of Epops, they knock, and Trochilus (the wren), in a state of
great flutter, as he mistakes them for fowlers, opens the door
and informs them that his Majesty is asleep. When he awakes,
the strangers appear before him, and after listening to a long
and eloquent harangue on the superior attractions of a residence
among the birds, they propose a notable scheme of their own
to further enhance its advantages and definitely secure the
sovereignty of the universe now exercised by the gods of Olympus.

The birds are summoned to meet in general council. They come
flying up from all quarters of the heavens, and after a brief mis-
understanding, during which they come near tearing the two
human envoys to pieces, they listen to the exposition of the latters'
plan. This is nothing less than the building of a new city,
to be called Nephelococcygia, or 'Cloud-cuckoo-town,' between
earth and heaven, to be garrisoned and guarded by the birds in
such a way as to intercept all communication of the gods with
their worshippers on earth. All steam of sacrifice will be prevented
from rising to Olympus, and the Immortals will very
soon be starved into an acceptance of any terms proposed.
The new Utopia is duly constructed, and the daring plan to secure
the sovereignty is in a fair way to succeed. Meantime various quacks
and charlatans, each with a special scheme for improving things,
arrive from earth, and are one after the other exposed and dismissed.
Presently arrives Prometheus, who informs Epops of the desperate straits
to which the gods are by this time reduced, and advises him to push
his claims and demand the hand of Basileia (Dominion), the handmaid
of Zeus. Next an embassy from the Olympians appears on the scene,
consisting of Heracles, Posidon and a god from the savage regions
of the Triballians. After some disputation, it is agreed
that all reasonable demands of the birds are to be granted, while
Pisthetaerus is to have Basileia as his bride. The comedy winds
up with the epithalamium in honour of the nuptials.



DRAMATIS PERSONAE

EUELPIDES
PISTHETAERUS
EPOPS (the Hoopoe)
TROCHILUS, Servant to Epops
PHOENICOPTERUS
HERALDS
A PRIEST
A POET
A PROPHET
METON, a Geometrician
A COMMISSIONER
A DEALER IN DECREES
IRIS
A PARRICIDE
CINESIAS, a Dithyrambic Bard
AN INFORMER
PROMETHEUS
POSIDON
TRIBALLUS
HERACLES
SLAVES OF PISTHETAERUS
MESSENGERS
CHORUS OF BIRDS




SCENE: A wild, desolate tract of open country; broken rocks
and brushwood occupy the centre of the stage.



EUELPIDES (TO HIS JAY)[1]
Do you think I should walk straight for yon tree?

f[1] Euelpides is holding a jay and Pisthetaerus a crow; they are
the guides who are to lead them to the kingdom of the birds.

PISTHETAERUS (TO HIS CROW)
Cursed beast, what are you croaking to me?...to retrace my steps?

EUELPIDES
Why, you wretch, we are wandering at random, we are exerting
ourselves only to return to the same spot; 'tis labour lost.

PISTHETAERUS
To think that I should trust to this crow, which has made me cover
more than a thousand furlongs!

EUELPIDES
And that I to this jay, which has torn every nail from my fingers!

PISTHETAERUS
If only I knew where we were....

EUELPIDES
Could you find your country again from here?

PISTHETAERUS
No, I feel quite sure I could not, any more than could
Execestides[1] find his.

f[1] A stranger who wanted to pass as an Athenian, although coming
originally for a far-away barbarian country.

EUELPIDES
Oh dear! oh dear!

PISTHETAERUS
Aye, aye, my friend, 'tis indeed the road of "oh dears" we are
following.

EUELPIDES
That Philocrates, the bird-seller, played us a scurvy trick,
when he pretended these two guides could help us to find Tereus,[1]
the Epops, who is a bird, without being born of one.  He has
indeed sold us this jay, a true son of Tharelides,[2] for
an obolus, and this crow for three, but what can they do?  Why,
nothing whatever but bite and scratch! --What's the matter with you
then, that you keep opening your beak?  Do you want us to fling
ourselves headlong down these rocks?  There is no road that way.

f[1] A king of Thrace, a son of Ares, who married Procne, the daughter
of Pandion, King of Athens, whom he had assisted against the Megarians.
He violated his sister-in-law, Philomela, and then cut out her
tongue; she nevertheless managed to convey to her sister how she had
been treated.  They both agreed to kill Itys, whom Procne had borne
to Tereus, and dished up the limbs of his own son to the father;
at the end of the meal Philomela appeared and threw the child's head
upon the table.  Tereus rushed with drawn sword upon the princesses,
but all the actors in this terrible scene were metamorph[o]sed.  Tereus
became an Epops (hoopoe), Procne a swallow, Philomela a nightingale,
and Itys a goldfinch.  According to Anacreon and Apollodorus it was
Procne who became the nightingale and Philomela the swallow, and this
is the version of the tradition followed by Aristophanes.
f[2] An Athenian who had some resemblance to a jay--so says
the scholiast, at any rate.

PISTHETAERUS
Not even the vestige of a track in any direction.

EUELPIDES
And what does the crow say about the road to follow?

PISTHETAERUS
By Zeus, it no longer croaks the same thing it did.

EUELPIDES
And which way does it tell us to go now?

PISTHETAERUS
It says that, by dint of gnawing, it will devour my fingers.

EUELPIDES
What misfortune is ours! we strain every nerve to get to the birds,[1]
do everything we can to that end, and we cannot find our way!
Yes, spectators, our madness is quite different from that of Sacas.
He is not a citizen, and would fain be one at any cost; we, on the
contrary, born of an honourable tribe and family and living in the midst
of our fellow-citizens, we have fled from our country as hard as ever
we could go. 'Tis not that we hate it; we recognize it to be great
and rich, likewise that everyone has the right to ruin himself; but
the crickets only chirrup among the fig-trees for a month or two,
whereas the Athenians spend their whole lives in chanting forth
judgments from their law-courts.[2] That is why we started off
with a basket, a stew-pot and some myrtle boughs[3] and have come
to seek a quiet country in which to settle. We are going to Tereus,
the Epops, to learn from him, whether, in his aerial flights,
he has noticed some town of this kind.

f[1] Literally, 'to go to the crows,' a proverbial expression
equivalent to our 'going to the devil.'
f[2] They leave Athens because of their hatred of lawsuits and informers;
this is the especial failing of the Athenians satirized in 'The Wasps.'
f[3] Myrtle boughs were used in sacrifices, and the founding of every
colony was started by a sacrifice.

PISTHETAERUS
Here! look!

EUELPIDES
What's the matter?

PISTHETAERUS
Why, the crow has been pointing me to something up there for some
time now.

EUELPIDES
And the jay is also opening its beak and craning its neck to show
me I know not what.  Clearly, there are some birds about here.
We shall soon know, if we kick up a noise to start them.

PISTHETAERUS
Do you know what to do?  Knock your leg against this rock.

EUELPIDES
And you your head to double the noise.

PISTHETAERUS
Well then use a stone instead; take one and hammer with it.

EUELPIDES
Good idea!  Ho there, within! Slave! slave!

PISTHETAERUS
What's that, friend! You say, "slave," to summon Epops! It would
be much better to shout, "Epops, Epops!"

EUELPIDES
Well then, Epops! Must I knock again?  Epops!

TROCHILUS
Who's there?  Who calls my master?

PISTHETAERUS
Apollo the Deliverer! what an enormous beak![1]

f[1] The actors wore masks made to resemble the birds they were supposed
to represent.

TROCHILUS
Good god! they are bird-catchers.

EUELPIDES
The mere sight of him petrifies me with terror. What a horrible monster.

TROCHILUS
Woe to you!

EUELPIDES
But we are not men.

TROCHILUS
What are you, then?

EUELPIDES
I am the Fearling, an African bird.

TROCHILUS
You talk nonsense.

EUELPIDES
Well, then, just ask it of my feet.[1]

f[1] Fear had had disastrous effects upon Euelpides' internal 
economy, and this his feet evidenced.

TROCHILUS
And this other one, what bird is it?

PISTHETAERUS
I?  I am a Cackling,[1] from the land of the pheasants.

f[1] The same mishap had occurred to Pisthetaerus.

EUELPIDES
But you yourself, in the name of the gods! what animal are you?

TROCHILUS
Why, I am a slave-bird.

EUELPIDES
Why, have you been conquered by a cock?

TROCHILUS
No, but when my master was turned into a peewit, he begged me to
become a bird too, to follow and to serve him.

EUELPIDES
Does a bird need a servant, then?

TROCHILUS
'Tis no doubt because he was a man.  At times he wants to eat a dish
of loach from Phalerum; I seize my dish and fly to fetch him some.
Again he wants some pea-soup; I seize a ladle and a pot and run
to get it.

EUELPIDES
This is, then, truly a running-bird.[1]  Come, Trochilus, do us the
kindness to call your master.

f[1] The Greek word for a wren is derived from the same root as 'to run.'

TROCHILUS
Why, he has just fallen asleep after a feed of myrtle-berries
and a few grubs.

EUELPIDES
Never mind; wake him up.

TROCHILUS
I an certain he will be angry.  However, I will wake him to please
you.

PISTHETAERUS
You cursed brute! why, I am almost dead with terror!

EUELPIDES
Oh! my god! 'twas sheer fear that made me lose my jay.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! you great coward! were you so frightened that you let go your jay?

EUELPIDES
And did you not lose your crow, when you fell sprawling on the ground?
Pray tell me that.

PISTHETAERUS
No, no.

EUELPIDES
Where is it, then?

PISTHETAERUS
It has flown away.

EUELPIDES
Then you did not let it go?  Oh! you brave fellow!

EPOPS
Open the forest,[1] that I may go out!

f[1] No doubt there was some scenery to represent a forest.  Besides,
there is a pun intended.  The words answering for 'forests' and 'door'
in Greek only differ slightly in sound.

EUELPIDES
By Heracles! what a creature! what plumage! What means this triple crest?

EPOPS
Who wants me?

EUELPIDES
The twelve great gods have used you ill, meseems.

EPOPS
Are you chaffing me about my feathers?  I have been a man, strangers.

EUELPIDES
'Tis not you we are jeering at.

EPOPS
At what, then?

EUELPIDES
Why, 'tis your beak that looks so odd to us.

EPOPS
This is how Sophocles outrages me in his tragedies.  Know, I once
was Tereus.[1]

f[1] Sophocles had written a tragedy about Tereus, in which, no doubt,
the king finally appears as a hoopoe.

EUELPIDES
You were Tereus, and what are you now? a bird or a peacock?[1]

f[1] [O]ne would expect the question to be "bird or man." --Are you
a peacock?  The hoopoe resembles the peacock inasmuch as both have crests.

EPOPS
I am a bird.

EUELPIDES
Then where are your feathers?  For I don't see them.

EPOPS
They have fallen off.

EUELPIDES
Through illness?

EPOPS
No.  All birds moult their feathers, you know, every winter,
and others grow in their place.  But tell me, who are you?

EUELPIDES
We?  We are mortals.

EPOPS
 From what country?

EUELPIDES
 From the land of the beautiful galleys.[1]

f[1] Athens.

EPOPS
Are you dicasts?[1]

f[1] The Athenians were madly addicted to lawsuits. (See 'The Wasps.')

EUELPIDES
No, if anything, we are anti-dicasts.

EPOPS
Is that kind of seed sown among you?[1]

f[1] As much as to say, 'Then you have such things as anti-dicasts?' 
And Euelpides practically replaces, 'Very few.'

EUELPIDES
You have to look hard to find even a little in our fields.

EPOPS
What brings you here?

EUELPIDES
We wish to pay you a visit.

EPOPS
What for?

EUELPIDES
Because you formerly were a man, like we are, formerly you had
debts, as we have, formerly you did not want to pay them, like
ourselves; furthermore, being turned into a bird, you have when flying
seen all lands and seas.  Thus you have all human knowledge as well
as that of birds.  And hence we have come to you to beg you to direct
us to some cosy town, in which one can repose as if on thick coverlets.

EPOPS
And are you looking for a greater city than Athens?

EUELPIDES
No, not a greater, but one more pleasant to dwell in.

EPOPS
Then you are looking for an aristocratic country.

EUELPIDES
I?  Not at all!  I hold the son of Scellias in horror.[1]

f[1] His name was Aristocrates; he was a general and commanded
a fleet sent in aid of Corcyra.

EPOPS
But, after all, what sort of city would please you best?

EUELPIDES
A place where the following would be the most important
business transacted. --Some friend would come knocking at the door
quite early in the morning saying, "By Olympian Zeus, be at my house
early, as soon as you have bathed, and bring your children too.  I am
giving a nuptial feast, so don't fail, or else don't cross my threshold
when I am in distress."

EPOPS
Ah! that's what may be called being fond of hardships!  And what say you?

PISTHETAERUS
My tastes are similar.

EPOPS
And they are?

PISTHETAERUS
I want a town where the father of a handsome lad will stop in the street
and say to me reproachfully as if I had failed him, "Ah! Is this well done,
Stilbonides!  You met my son coming from the bath after the gymnasium
and you neither spoke to him, nor embraced him, nor took him with you,
nor ever once twitched his parts.  Would anyone call you an old 
friend of mine?"

EPOPS
Ah! wag, I see you are fond of suffering.  But there is a city of
delights, such as you want.  'Tis on the Red Sea.

EUELPIDES
Oh, no.  Not a sea-port, where some fine morning the Salaminian[1]
galley can appear, bringing a writ-server along.  Have you no Greek town
you can propose to us?

f[1] The State galley, which carried the officials of the Athenian
republic to their several departments and brought back those whose time
had expired; it was this galley that was sent to Sicily to fetch back
Alcibiades, who was accused of sacrilege.

EPOPS
Why not choose Lepreum in Elis for your settlement?

EUELPIDES
By Zeus! I could not look at Lepreum without disgust, because of
Melanthius.[1]

f[1] A tragic poet, who was a leper; there is a play, of course,
on the word Lepreum.

EPOPS
Then, again, there is the Opuntian, where you could live.

EUELPIDES
I would not be Opuntian[1] for a talent.  But come, what is it like
to live with the birds?  You should know pretty well.

f[1] An allusion to Opuntius, who was one-eyed.

EPOPS
Why, 'tis not a disagreeable life.  In the first place, one has no purse.

EUELPIDES
That does away with much roguery.

EPOPS
For food the gardens yield us white sesame, myrtle-berries,
poppies and mint.

EUELPIDES
Why, 'tis the life of the newly-wed indeed.[1]

f[1] The newly-married ate a sesame-cake, decorated with garlands
of myrtle, poppies and mint.

PISTHETAERUS
Ha! I am beginning to see a great plan, which will transfer the
supreme power to the birds, if you will but take my advice.

EPOPS
Take your advice?  In what way?

PISTHETAERUS
In what way?  Well, firstly, do not fly in all directions with open
beak; it is not dignified.  Among us, when we see a thoughtless man,
we ask, "What sort of bird is this?" and Teleas answers, "'Tis a man
who has no brain, a bird that has lost his head, a creature you cannot
catch, for it never remains in any one place."

EPOPS
By Zeus himself! your jest hits the mark.  What then is to be done?

PISTHETAERUS
Found a city.

EPOPS
We birds?  But what sort of city should we build?

PISTHETAERUS
Oh, really, really! 'tis spoken like a fool!  Look down.

EPOPS
I am looking.

PISTHETAERUS
Now look upwards.

EPOPS
I am looking.

PISTHETAERUS
Turn your head round.

EPOPS
Ah! 'twill be pleasant for me, if I end in twisting my neck!

PISTHETAERUS
What have you seen?

EPOPS
The clouds and the sky.

PISTHETAERUS
Very well! is not this the pole of the birds then?

EPOPS
How their pole?

PISTHETAERUS
Or, if you like it, the land.  And since it turns and passes through
the whole universe, it is called, 'pole.'[1]  If you build and
fortify it, you will turn your pole into a fortified city.[2]
In this way you will reign over mankind as you do over the grasshoppers
and cause the gods to die of rabid hunger

f[1] From [the word meaning] 'to turn.'
f[2] The Greek words for 'pole' and 'city' only differ by
a single letter.

EPOPS
How so?

PISTHETAERUS
The air is 'twixt earth and heaven.  When we want to go to Delphi,
we ask the Boeotians[1] for leave of passage; in the same way, when men
sacrifice to the gods, unless the latter pay you tribute, you exercise
the right of every nation towards strangers and don't allow
the smoke of the sacrifices to pass through your city and territory.

f[1] Boeotia separated Attica from Phocis.

EPOPS
By earth! by snares! by network![1] I never heard of anything
more cleverly conceived; and, if the other birds approve, I am going
to build the city along with you.

f[1] He swears by the powers that are to him dreadful.

PISTHETAERUS
Who will explain the matter to them?

EPOPS
You must yourself.  Before I came they were quite ignorant, but
since I have lived with them I have taught them to speak.

PISTHETAERUS
But how can they be gathered together?

EPOPS
Easily.  I will hasten down to the coppice to waken my dear Procne![1]
as soon as they hear our voices, they will come to us hot wing.

f[1] As already stated, according to the legend accepted by Aristophanes,
it was Procne who was turned into the  nightengale.

PISTHETAERUS
My dear bird, lose no time, I beg.  Fly at once into the coppice
and awaken Procne.

EPOPS
Chase off drowsy sleep, dear companion.  Let the sacred hymn gush
from thy divine throat in melodious strains; roll forth in soft
cadence your refreshing melodies to bewail the fate of Itys,[1] which
has been the cause of so many tears to us both.  Your pure notes rise
through the thick leaves of the yew-tree right up to the throne of Zeus,
where Phoebus listens to you, Phoebus with his golden hair.
And his ivory lyre responds to your plaintive accents; he gathers
the choir of the gods and from their immortal lips rushes a sacred chant
of blessed voices. (THE FLUTE IS PLAYED BEHIND THE SCENE.)

f[1] The son of Tereus and Procne.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! by Zeus! what a throat that little bird possesses.  He has filled
the whole coppice with honey-sweet melody!

EUELPIDES
Hush!

PISTHETAERUS
What's the matter?

EUELPIDES
Will you keep silence?

PISTHETAERUS
What for?

EUELPIDES
Epops is going to sing again.

EPOPS (IN THE COPPICE)
Epopoi poi popoi, epopoi, popoi, here, here, quick, quick, quick,
my comrades in the air; all you who pillage the fertile lands
of the husbandmen, the numberless tribes who gather and devour
the barley seeds, the swift flying race who sing so sweetly.
And you whose gentle twitter resounds through the fields
with the little cry of tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio;
and you who hop about the branches of the ivy in the gardens;
the mountain birds, who feed on the wild olive berries or the arbutus,
hurry to come at my call, trioto, trioto, totobrix; you also, who snap up
the sharp-stinging gnats in the marshy vales, and you who dwell
in the fine plain of Marathon, all damp with dew, and you, the francolin
with speckled wings; you too, the halcyons, who flit over the swelling
waves of the sea, come hither to hear the tidings; let all the tribes
of long-necked birds assemble here; know that a clever old man has come
to us, bringing an entirely new idea and proposing great reforms.
Let all come to the debate here, here, here, here.  Torotorotorotorotix,
kikkobau, kikkobau, torotorotorotorolililix.

PISTHETAERUS
Can you see any bird?

EUELPIDES
By Phoebus, no! and yet I am straining my eyesight to scan the sky.

PISTHETAERUS
'Twas really not worth Epops' while to go and bury himself in the
thicket like a plover when a-hatching.

PHOENICOPTERUS
Torotina, torotina.

PISTHETAERUS
Hold, friend, here is another bird.

EUELPIDES
I' faith, yes, 'tis a bird, but of what kind?  Isn't it a peacock?

PISTHETAERUS
Epops will tell us.  What is this bird?

EPOPS
'Tis not one of those you are used to seeing; 'tis a bird from
the marshes.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! oh! but he is very handsome with his wings as crimson as flame.

EPOPS
Undoubtedly; indeed he is called flamingo.[1]

f[1] An African bird, that comes to the southern countries of Europe, 
to Greece, Italy, and Spain; it is even seen in Provence.

EUELPIDES
Hi! I say! You!

PISTHETAERUS
What are you shouting for?

EUELPIDES
Why, here's another bird.

PISTHETAERUS
Aye, indeed; 'tis a foreign bird too.  What is this bird from beyond
the mountains with a look as solemn as it is stupid?

EPOPS
He is called the Mede.[1]

f[1] Aristophanes amusingly mixes up real birds with people and
individuals, whom he represents in the form of birds; he is
personifying the Medians here.

PISTHETAERUS
The Mede! But, by Heracles, how, if a Mede, has he flown here
without a camel?

EUELPIDES
Here's another bird with a crest.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! that's curious.  I say, Epops, you are not the only one of your
kind then?

EPOPS
This bird is the son of Philocles, who is the son of Epops;[1] so
that, you see, I am his grandfather; just as one might say,
Hipponicus,[2] the son of Callias, who is the son of Hipponicus.

f[1] Philocles, a tragic poet, had written a tragedy on Tereus,
which was simply a plagiarism of the play of the same name
by Sophocles.  Philocles is the son of Epops, because he got his
inspiration from Sophocles' Tereus, and at the same time is father
to Epops, since he himself produced another Tereus.
f[2] This Hipponicus is probably the orator whose ears Alcibiades
boxed to gain a bet; he was a descendant of Callias, who was famous
for his hatred of Pisistratus.

PISTHETAERUS
Then this bird is Callias!  Why, what a lot of his feathers he
has lost![1]

f[1] This Callias, who must not be confounded with the foe
of Pisistratus, had ruined himself.

EPOPS
That's because he is honest; so the informers set upon him and the
women too pluck out his feathers.

PISTHETAERUS
By Posidon, do you see that many-coloured bird?  What is his name?

EPOPS
This one?  'Tis the glutton.

PISTHETAERUS
Is there another glutton besides Cleonymus?  But why, if he is
Cleonymus, has he not thrown away his crest?[1]  But what is the meaning
of all these crests?  Have these birds come to contend for the double
stadium prize?[2]

f[1] Cleonymus had cast away his shield; he was as great a glutton
as he was a coward.
f[2] A race in which the track had to be circled twice.

EPOPS
They are like the Carians, who cling to the crests of their
mountains for greater safety.[1]

f[1] A people of Asia Minor; when pursued by the Ionians they took
refuge in the mountains.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh, Posidon! do you see what swarms of birds are gathering here?

EUELPIDES
By Phoebus! what a cloud!  The entrance to the stage is no longer
visible, so closely do they fly together.

PISTHETAERUS
Here is the partridge.

EUELPIDES
Faith! there is the francolin.

PISTHETAERUS
There is the poachard.

EUELPIDES
Here is the kingfisher.  And over yonder?

EPOPS
'Tis the barber.

EUELPIDES
What? a bird a barber?

PISTHETAERUS
Why, Sporgilus is one.[1]  Here comes the owl.

f[1] An Athenian barber.

EUELPIDES
And who is it brings an owl to Athens?[1]

f[1] The owl was dedicated to Athene, and being respected at Athens,
it had greatly multiplied. Hence the proverb, 'taking owls to Athens,'
similar to our English 'taking coals to Newcastle.'

PISTHETAERUS
Here is the magpie, the turtle-dove, the swallow, the horned owl,
the buzzard, the pigeon, the falcon, the ring-dove, the cuckoo,
the red-foot, the red-cap, the purple-cap, the kestrel, the diver,
the ousel, the osprey, the woodpecker.

EUELPIDES
Oh! oh! what a lot of birds! what a quantity of blackbirds!
how they scold, how they come rushing up!  What a noise! what a
noise!  Can they be bearing us ill-will?  Oh! there! there! they are
opening their beaks and staring at us.

PISTHETAERUS
Why, so they are.

CHORUS
Popopopopopopopoi.  Where is he who called me?  Where am I to find him?

EPOPS
I have been waiting for you this long while!  I never fail in my
word to my friends.

CHORUS
Titititititititi.  What good thing have you to tell me?

EPOPS
Something that concerns our common safety, and that is just as
pleasant as it is to the purpose.  Two men, who are subtle reasoners,
have come here to seek me.

CHORUS
Where? What? What are you saying?

EPOPS
I say, two old men have come from the abode of men to propose a
vast and splendid scheme to us.

CHORUS
Oh! 'tis a horrible, unheard-of crime!  What are you saying?

EPOPS
Nay! never let my words scare you.

CHORUS
What have you done then?

EPOPS
I have welcomed two men, who wish to live with us.

CHORUS
And you have dared to do that!

EPOPS
Aye, and am delighted at having done so.

CHORUS
Where are they?

EPOPS
In your midst, as I am.

CHORUS
Ah! ah! we are betrayed; 'tis sacrilege!  Our friend, he who picked
up corn-seeds in the same plains as ourselves, has violated our
ancient laws; he has broken the oaths that bind all birds; he has laid
a snare for me, he has handed us over to the attacks of that impious
race which, throughout all time, has never ceased to war against us.
As for this traitorous bird, we will decide his case later, but
the two old men shall be punished forthwith; we are going to tear them
to pieces.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis all over with us.

EUELPIDES
You are the sole cause of all our trouble.  Why did you bring me
from down yonder?

PISTHETAERUS
To have you with me.

EUELPIDES
Say rather to have me melt into tears.

PISTHETAERUS
Go to! you are talking nonsense.

EUELPIDES
How so?

PISTHETAERUS
How will you be able to cry when once your eyes are pecked out?

CHORUS
Io! io! forward to the attack, throw yourselves upon the foe,
spill his blood; take to your wings and surround them on all sides.
Woe to them! let us get to work with our beaks, let us devour them.
Nothing can save them from our wrath, neither the mountain forests,
nor the clouds that float in the sky, nor the foaming deep.
Come, peck, tear to ribbons.  Where is the chief of the cohort?  Let
him engage the right wing.

EUELPIDES
This is the fatal moment.  Where shall I fly to, unfortunate wretch
that I am?

PISTHETAERUS
Stay! stop here!

EUELPIDES
That they may tear me to pieces?

PISTHETAERUS
And how do you think to escape them?

EUELPIDES
I don't know at all.

PISTHETAERUS
Come, I will tell you.  We must stop and fight them.  Let us arm
ourselves with these stew-pots.

EUELPIDES
Why with the stew-pots?

PISTHETAERUS
The owl will not attack us.[1]

f[1] An allusion to the Feast of Pots; it was kept at Athens
on the third day of the Anthesteria, when all sorts of vegetables
were stewed together and offered for the dead to Bacchus and Athene.
This Feast was peculiar to Athens. --Hence Pisthetaerus thinks that
the owl will recognize they are Athenians by seeing the stew-pots,
and as he is an Athenian bird, he will not attack them.

EUELPIDES
But do you see all those hooked claws?

PISTHETAERUS
Seize the spit and pierce the foe on your side.

EUELPIDES
And how about my eyes?

PISTHETAERUS
Protect them with this dish or this vinegar-pot.

EUELPIDES
Oh! what cleverness! what inventive genius!  You are a great general,
even greater than Nicias,[1] where stratagem is concerned.

f[1] Nicias, the famous Athenian general. --The siege of Melos in 417 
B.C., or two years previous to the production of 'The Birds,' had
especially done him great credit.  He was joint commander of the Sicilian
expedition.

CHORUS
Forward, forward, charge with your beaks! Come, no delay.  Tear,
pluck, strike, flay them, and first of all smash the stew-pot.

EPOPS
Oh, most cruel of all animals, why tear these two men to pieces,
why kill them?  What have they done to you?  They belong to the same
tribe, to the same family as my wife.[1]

f[1] Procne, the daughter of Pandion, King of Athens.

CHORUS
Are wolves to be spared?  Are they not our most mortal foes?  So let
us punish them.

EPOPS
If they are your foes by nature, they are your friends in heart,
and they come here to give you useful advice.

CHORUS
Advice or a useful word from their lips, from them, the enemies of
my forebears!

EPOPS
The wise can often profit by the lessons of a foe, for caution
is the mother of safety.  'Tis just such a thing as one will not learn
from a friend and which an enemy compels you to know.  To begin with,
'tis the foe and not the friend that taught cities to build high
walls, to equip long vessels of war; and 'tis this knowledge that
protects our children, our slaves and our wealth.

CHORUS
Well then, I agree, let us first hear them, for 'tis best;
one can even learn something in an enemy's school.

PISTHETAERUS
Their wrath seems to cool.  Draw back a little.

EPOPS
'Tis only justice, and you will thank me later.

CHORUS
Never have we opposed your advice up to now.

PISTHETAERUS
They are in a more peaceful mood; put down your stew-pot and
your two dishes; spit in hand, doing duty for a spear, let us mount
guard inside the camp close to the pot and watch in our arsenal
closely; for we must not fly.

EUELPIDES
You are right.  But where shall we be buried, if we die?

PISTHETAERUS
In the Ceramicus;[1] for, to get a public funeral, we shall tell
the Strategi that we fell at Orneae,[2] fighting the country's foes.

f[1] A space beyond the walls of Athens which contained the gardens
of the Academy and the graves of citizens who had died for their country.
f[1] A town in Western Argolis, where the Athenians had been recently
defeated.  The somewhat similar work in Greek signifies 'birds.'

CHORUS
Return to your ranks and lay down your courage beside your wrath
as the Hoplites do.  Then let us ask these men who they are, whence
they come, and with what intent.  Here, Epops, answer me.

EPOPS
Are you calling me?  What do you want of me?

CHORUS
Who are they?  From what country?

EPOPS
Strangers, who have come from Greece, the land of the wise.

CHORUS
And what fate has led them hither to the land of the birds?

EPOPS
Their love for you and their wish to share your kind of life;
to dwell and remain with you always.

CHORUS
Indeed, and what are their plans?

EPOPS
They are wonderful, incredible, unheard of.

CHORUS
Why, do they think to see some advantage that determines them to
settle here?  Are they hoping with our help to triumph over their
foes or to be useful to their friends?

EPOPS
They speak of benefits so great it is impossible either to describe
or conceive them; all shall be yours, all that we see here, there,
above and below us; this they vouch for.

CHORUS
Are they mad?

EPOPS
They are the sanest people in the world.

CHORUS
Clever men?

EPOPS
The slyest of foxes, cleverness its very self, men of the world,
cunning, the cream of knowing folk.

CHORUS
Tell them to speak and speak quickly; why, as I listen to you,
I am beside myself with delight.

EPOPS
Here, you there, take all these weapons and hang them up inside
dose to the fire, near the figure of the god who presides there and
under his protection;[1] as for you, address the birds, tell them why
I have gathered them together.

f[1] Epops is addressing the two slaves, no doubt Xanthias and Manes, 
who are mentioned later on.

PISTHETAERUS
Not I, by Apollo, unless they agree with me as the little ape of
an armourer agreed with his wife, not to bite me, nor pull me by the
parts, nor shove things up my...

CHORUS
You mean the...(PUTS FINGER TO BOTTOM) Oh! be quite at ease.

PISTHETAERUS
No, I mean my eyes.

CHORUS
Agreed.

PISTHETAERUS
Swear it.

CHORUS
I swear it and, if I keep my promise, let judges and spectators
give me the victory unanimously.

PISTHETAERUS
It is a bargain.

CHORUS
And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote only.

HERALD
Hearken, ye people!  Hoplites, pick up your weapons and return to
your firesides; do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have
posted.

CHORUS
Man is a truly cunning creature, but nevertheless explain.  Perhaps
you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some way
that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have discovered.
Speak! 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if you secure
me some advantage, I will surely share it with you. But what object 
can have induced you to come among us?  Speak boldly, for I shall not 
break
the truce, --until you have told us all.

PISTHETAERUS
I am bursting with desire to speak; I have already mixed the dough
of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it....  Slave! bring
the chaplet and water, which you must pour over my hands.  Be quick![1]

f[1] It was customary, when speaking in public and also at feasts,
to wear a chaplet; hence the question Euelpides puts. --The guests wore
chaplets of flowers, herbs, and leaves, which had the property of being
refreshing.

EUELPIDES
Is it a question of feasting?  What does it all mean?

PISTHETAERUS
By Zeus, no! but I am hunting for fine, tasty words to break down
the hardness of their hearts. --I grieve so much for you, who
at one time were kings...

CHORUS
We kings!  Over whom?

PISTHETAERUS
...of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even of Zeus
himself.  Your race is older than Saturn, the Titans and the Earth.

CHORUS
What, older than the Earth!

PISTHETAERUS
By Phoebus, yes.

CHORUS
By Zeus, but I never knew that before!

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis because you are ignorant and heedless, and have never read
your Aesop.  'Tis he who tells us that the lark was born
before all other creatures, indeed before the Earth; his father died
of sickness, but the Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied
for five days, when the bird in its dilemma decided, for want of
a better place, to entomb its father in its own head.

EUELPIDES
So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae.[1]

f[1] A deme of Attica.  In Greek the word also means 'heads,'
and hence the pun.

EPOPS
Hence, if we existed before the Earth, before the gods,
the kingship belongs to us by right of priority.

EUELPIDES
Undoubtedly, but sharpen your beak well; Zeus won't be in a hurry
to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker.

PISTHETAERUS
It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the masters
and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs.  First of all,
I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before
all other monarchs, before Darius and Megabyzus.[1]  'Tis in memory
of his reign that he is called the Persian bird.

f[1] One of Darius' best generals.  After his expedition against
the Scythians, this prince gave him the command of the army which he
left in Europe.  Megabyzus took Perinthos (afterwards called Heraclea)
and conquered Thrace.

EUELPIDES
For this reason also, even to-day, he alone of all the birds wears
his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.[1]

f[1] All Persians wore the tiara, but always on one side; the Great King
alone wore it straight on his head.

PISTHETAERUS
He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on account
of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he
crows at daybreak.  Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen,
corn-dealers, lyre-makers and armourers, all put on their shoes and
go to work before it is daylight.

EUELPIDES
I can tell you something about that.  'Twas the cock's fault
that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool.  I was at a feast
in town, given to celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty
freely and had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater
hurry than the rest, began to crow.  I thought it was dawn and set
out for Alimos.[1]  I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad
struck me in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted
to shout, but he had already made off with my mantle.

f[1] Noted as the birthplace of Thucydides, a deme of Attica of
the tribe of Leontis.  Demosthenes tells us it was thirty-five stadia
from Athens.

PISTHETAERUS
Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks.

EPOPS
The Greeks?

PISTHETAERUS
And when he was king, 'twas he who first taught them to fall
on their knees before the kites.[1]

f[1] The appearance of the kite in Greece betokened the return of
springtime; it was therefore worshipped as a symbol of that season.

EUELPIDES
By Zeus! 'tis what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but
at the moment I was on my knees, and leaning backwards[1] with mouth
agape, I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my bag home empty.[2]

f[1] To look at the kite, who no doubt was flying high in the sky.
f[2] As already shown, the Athenians were addicted to carrying small
coins in their mouths. --This obolus was for the purpose of buying flour
to fill the bag he was carrying

PISTHETAERUS
The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia.  When
he called out "cuckoo," all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to
reap their wheat and their barley.[1]

f[1] In Phoenicia and Egypt the cuckoo makes its appearance about
harvest-time.

EUELPIDES
Hence no doubt the proverb, "Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields,
ye circumcised."[1]

f[1] This was an Egyptian proverb, meaning, 'When the cuckoo sings we
go harvesting.' Both the Phoenicians and the Egyptians practised
circumcision.

PISTHETAERUS
So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian cities,
Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance, carried a bird on the tip of
their sceptres, who had his share of all presents.[1]

f[1] The staff, called a sceptre, generally terminated in a piece
of carved work, representing a flower, a fruit, and most often a bird.

EUELPIDES
That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam come
upon the stage in the tragedies with a bird, which kept watching
Lysicrates[1] to see if he got any present.

f[1] A general accused of treachery.  The bird watches Lysicrates,
because, according to Pisthetaerus, he had a right to a share
of the presents.

PISTHETAERUS
But the strongest proof of all is, that Zeus, who now reigns, is
represented as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol of his
royalty;[1] his daughter has an owl, and Phoebus, as his servant, has a
hawk.

f[1] It is thus that Phidias represents his Olympian Zeus.

EUELPIDES
By Demeter, 'tis well spoken.  But what are all these birds doing
in heaven?

PISTHETAERUS
When anyone sacrifices and, according to the rite, offers the entrails
to the gods, these birds take their share before Zeus. Formerly men always
swore by the birds and never by the gods; even now Lampon[1] swears 
by the goose,
when he wants to lie....Thus 'tis clear that you were great and 
sacred, but now you
are looked upon as slaves, as fools, as Helots; stones are thrown
at you as at raving madmen, even in holy places.  A crowd of
bird-catchers sets snares, traps, limed-twigs and nets of all sorts
for you; you are caught, you are sold in heaps and the buyers finger
you over to be certain you are fat.  Again, if they would but serve you
up simply roasted; but they rasp cheese into a mixture of oil, vinegar
and laserwort, to which another sweet and greasy sauce is added,
and the whole is poured scalding hot over your back, for all the world
as if you were diseased meat.

f[1] One of the diviners sent to Sybaris (in Magna Graecia, S. Italy)
with the Athenian colonists, who rebuilt the town under the new name
of Thurium.

CHORUS
Man, your words have made my heart bleed; I have groaned over
the treachery of our fathers, who knew not how to transmit to us the
high rank they held from their forefathers.  But 'tis a benevolent
Genius, a happy Fate, that sends you to us; you shall be our deliverer
and I place the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands
with every confidence. But hasten to tell me what must be done;
we should not be worthy to live, if we did not seek to regain
our royalty by every possible means.

PISTHETAERUS
First I advise that the birds gather together in one city and that
they build a wall of great bricks, like that at Babylon, round the
plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth
from heaven.

EPOPS
Oh, Cebriones! oh, Porphyrion![1] what a terribly strong place!

f[1] As if he were saying, "Oh, gods!"  Like Lampon, he swears by the birds,
instead of swearing by the gods. --The names of these birds are those of two
of the Titans.

PISTHETAERUS
Th[en], this being well done and completed, you demand
back the empire from Zeus; if he will not agree, if he refuses and
does not at once confess himself beaten, you declare a sacred war
against him and forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your
country with lust, as hitherto, for the purpose of fondling
their Alcmenas, their Alopes, or their Semeles![1] if they try to pass
through, you infibulate them with rings so that they can work no
longer.  You send another messenger to mankind, who will proclaim to
them that the birds are kings, that for the future they must first
of all sacrifice to them, and only afterwards to the gods; that it
is fitting to appoint to each deity the bird that has most in common
with it.  For instance, are they sacrificing to Aphrodite, let them
at the same time offer barley to the coot; are they immolating a sheep
to Posidon, let them consecrate wheat in honour of the duck;[2] is a
steer being offered to Heracles, let honey-cakes be dedicated to
the gull;[3] is a goat being slain for King Zeus, there is a
King-Bird, the wren,[4] to whom the sacrifice of a male gnat is due
before Zeus himself even.

f[1] Alcmena, wife of Amphitryon, King of Thebes and mother
of Heracles. --Semele, the daughter of Cadmus and Hermione and mother
of Bacchus; both seduced by Zeus. --Alope, daughter of Cercyon,
a robber, who reigned at Eleusis and was conquered by Perseus. Alope
was honoured with Posidon's caresses; by him she had a son named
Hippothous, at first brought up by shepherds but who afterwards
was restored to the throne of his grandfather by Theseus.
f[2] Because water is the duck's domain, as it is that of Posidon.
f[3] Because the gull, like Heracles, is voracious.
f[4] The Germans still call it 'Zaunkonig' and the French 'roitelet,'
both names thus containing the idea of 'king.'

EUELPIDES
This notion of an immolated gnat delights me! And now let the great
Zeus thunder!

EPOPS
But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not as jays?  Us, who
have wings and fly?

PISTHETAERUS
You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings and flies, and
so do many other gods.  First of all, Victory flies with golden
wings, Eros is undoubtedly winged too, and Iris is compared by Homer
to a timorous dove.[1]  If men in their blindness do not recognize you
as gods and continue to worship the dwellers in Olympus, then a cloud
of sparrows greedy for corn must descend upon their fields and eat up
all their seeds; we shall see then if Demeter will mete them out
any wheat.

f[1] The scholiast draws our attention to the fact that Homer says this
of Here and not of Iris (Iliad, V, 778); it is only another proof that
the text of Homer has reached us in a corrupted form, or it may be that
Aristophanes was liable, like other people, to occasional mistakes of
quotation.

EUELPIDES
By Zeus, she'll take good care she does not, and you will see
her inventing a thousand excuses.

PISTHETAERUS
The crows too will prove your divinity to them by pecking out
the eyes of their flocks and of their draught-oxen; and then let
Apollo cure them, since he is a physician and is paid for
the purpose.[1]

f[1] In sacrifices.

EUELPIDES
Oh! don't do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young bullocks.

PISTHETAERUS
If on the other hand they recognize that you are God, the principle
of life, that you are Earth, Saturn, Posidon, they shall be loaded
with benefits.

EPOPS
Name me one of these then.

PISTHETAERUS
Firstly, the locusts shall not eat up their vine-blossoms; a legion
of owls and kestrels will devour them.  Moreover, the gnats
and the gall-bugs shall no longer ravage the figs; a flock
of thrushes shall swallow the whole host down to the very last.

EPOPS
And how shall we give wealth to mankind?  This is their strongest
passion.

PISTHETAERUS
When they consult the omens, you will point them to the richest
mines, you will reveal the paying ventures to the diviner, and not
another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish.

EPOPS
No more shall perish?  How is that?

PISTHETAERUS
When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage, some
bird will not fail to say, "Don't start! there will be a storm,"
or else, "Go! you will make a most profitable venture."

EUELPIDES
I shall buy a trading-vessel and go to sea, I will not stay with
you.

PISTHETAERUS
You will discover treasures to them, which were buried in former
times, for you know them.  Do not all men say, "None knows where my
treasure lies, unless perchance it be some bird."[1]

f[1] An Athenian proverb.

EUELPIDES
I shall sell my boat and buy a spade to unearth the vessels.

EPOPS
And how are we to give them health, which belongs to the gods?

PISTHETAERUS
If they are happy, is not that the chief thing towards health?
The miserable man is never well.

EPOPS
Old Age also dwells in Olympus.  How will they get at it?  Must they
die in early youth?

PISTHETAERUS
Why, the birds, by Zeus, will add three hundred years to their life.

EPOPS
 From whom will they take them?

PISTHETAERUS
 From whom?  Why, from themselves.  Don't you know the cawing crow
lives five times as long as a man?

EUELPIDES
Ah! ah! these are far better kings for us than Zeus!

PISTHETAERUS
Far better, are they not?  And firstly, we shall not have to build
them temples of hewn stone, closed with gates of gold; they will
dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak; the most
venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the
olive tree; we shall not go to Delphi or to Ammon to sacrifice;[1] but
standing erect in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding
forth our hands filled with wheat and barley, we shall pray them
to admit us to a share of the blessings they enjoy and shall at once
obtain them for a few grains of wheat.

f[1] A celebrated temple to Zeus in an oasis of Libya.

CHORUS
Old man, whom I detested, you are now to me the dearest of all;
never shall I, if I can help it, fail to follow your advice.
Inspirited by your words, I threaten my rivals the gods, and I
swear that if you march in alliance with me against the gods and are
faithful to our just, loyal and sacred bond, we shall soon have
shattered their sceptre. 'Tis our part to undertake the toil,
'tis yours to advise.

EPOPS
By Zeus! 'tis no longer the time to delay and loiter like
Nicias;[1] let us act as promptly as possible....  In the first place,
come, enter my nest built of brushwood and blades of straw, and tell
me your names.

f[1] Nicias was commander, along with Demosthenes, and later on
Alcibiades, of the Athenian forces before Syracuse, in the ill-fated
Sicilian Expedition, 415-413 B.C.  He was much blamed for dilatoriness
and indecision.

PISTHETAERUS
That is soon done; my name is Pisthetaerus.

EPOPS
And his?

PISTHETAERUS
Euelpides, of the deme of Thria.

EPOPS
Good! and good luck to you.

PISTHETAERUS
We accept the omen.

EPOPS
Come in here.

PISTHETAERUS
Very well, 'tis you who lead us and must introduce us.

EPOPS
Come then.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! my god! do come back here.  Hi! tell us how we are to follow
you.  You can fly, but we cannot.

EPOPS
Well, well.

PISTHETAERUS
Remember Aesop's fables.  It is told there, that the fox fared
very ill, because he had made an alliance with the eagle.

EPOPS
Be at ease.  You shall eat a certain root and wings will grow on
your shoulders.

PISTHETAERUS
Then let us enter.  Xanthias and Manes,[1] pick up our baggage.

f[1] Servants of Pisthetaerus and Euelpides.

CHORUS
Hi! Epops! do you hear me?

EPOPS
What's the matter?

CHORUS
Take them off to dine well and call your mate, the melodious
Procne, whose songs are worthy of the Muses; she will delight our
leisure moments.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! I conjure you, accede to their wish; for this delightful
bird will leave her rushes at the sound of your voice; for the sake of
the gods, let her come here, so that we may contemplate the
nightingale.[1]

f[1] It has already been mentioned that, according to the legend followed
by Aristophanes, Procne had been changed into a nightingale and Philomela
into a swallow.

EPOPS
Let is be as you desire.  Come forth, Procne, show yourself to these strangers.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! great Zeus! what a beautiful little bird! what a dainty
form! what brilliant plumage![1]

f[1] The actor, representing Procne, was dressed out as a courtesan, but wore
a mask of a bird.

EUELPIDES
Do you know how dearly I should like to splint her legs for her?

PISTHETAERUS
She is dazzling all over with gold, like a young girl.[1]

f[1] Young unmarried girls wore golden ornaments; the apparel of married women
was much simpler.

EUELPIDES
Oh! how I should like to kiss her!

PISTHETAERUS
Why, wretched man, she has two little sharp points on her beak!

EUELPIDES
I would treat her like an egg, the shell of which we remove before
eating it; I would take off her mask and then kiss her pretty face.

EPOPS
Let us go in.

PISTHETAERUS
Lead the way, and may success attend us.

CHORUS
Lovable golden bird, whom I cherish above all others, you, whom
I associate with all my songs, nightingale, you have come, you have
come, to show yourself to me and to charm me with your notes.  Come,
you, who play spring melodies upon the harmonious flute,[1] lead off
our anapaests.[2]

Weak mortals, chained to the earth, creatures of clay as frail
as the foliage of the woods, you unfortunate race, whose life is but
darkness, as unreal as a shadow, the illusion of a dream, hearken
to us, who are immortal beings, ethereal, ever young and occupied
with eternal thoughts, for we shall teach you about all celestial
matters; you shall know thoroughly what is the nature of the birds,
what the origin of the gods, of the rivers, of Erebus, and Chaos;
thanks to us, even Prodicus[3] will envy you your knowledge.

At the beginning there was only Chaos, Night, dark Erebus,
and deep Tartarus.  Earth, the air and heaven had no existence.
Firstly, black-winged Night laid a germless egg in the bosom
of the infinite deeps of Erebus, and from this, after the revolution
of long ages, sprang the graceful Eros with his glittering golden wings,
swift as the whirlwinds of the tempest.  He mated in deep Tartarus
with dark Chaos, winged like himself, and thus hatched forth our race,
which was the first to see the light.  That of the Immortals did not
exist until Eros had brought together all the ingredients of the world,
and from their marriage Heaven, Ocean, Earth and the imperishable race
of blessed gods sprang into being.  Thus our origin is very much
older than that of the dwellers in Olympus.  We are the offspring
of Eros; there are a thousand proofs to show it.  We have wings and we
lend assistance to lovers.  How many handsome youths, who had sworn
to remain insensible, have not been vanquished by our power
and have yielded themselves to their lovers when almost at the end
of their youth, being led away by the gift of a quail, a waterfowl,
a goose, or a cock.[4]

And what important services do not the birds render to mortals!
First of all, they mark the seasons for them, springtime, winter,
and autumn.  Does the screaming crane migrate to Libya, --it warns
the husbandman to sow, the pilot to take his ease beside his tiller hung
up in his dwelling,[5] and Orestes[6] to weave a tunic, so that the 
rigorous cold
may not drive him any more to strip other folk. When the kite 
reappears, he tells
of the return of spring and of the period when the fleece of the sheep
must be clipped.  Is the swallow in sight?  All hasten to sell their warm tunic
and to buy some light clothing.  We are your Ammon, Delphi, Dodona, 
your Phoebus
Apollo.[7]  Before undertaking anything, whether a business transaction,
a marriage, or the purchase of food, you consult the birds by reading
the omens, and you give this name of omen[8] to all signs that tell
of the future.  With you a word is an omen, you call a sneeze an omen,
a meeting an omen, an unknown sound an omen, a slave or an ass
an omen.[9]  Is it not clear that we are a prophetic Apollo to you?
If you recognize us as gods, we shall be your divining Muses,
through us you will know the winds and the seasons, summer, winter,
and the temperate months.  We shall not withdraw ourselves
to the highest clouds like Zeus, but shall be among you and shall give
to you and to your children and the children of your children, health
and wealth, long life, peace, youth, laughter, songs and feasts;
in short, you will all be so well off, that you will be weary and
satiated with enjoyment.

Oh, rustic Muse of such varied note, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, I sing
with you in the groves and on the mountain tops, tio, tio, tio, tio,
tiotinx.[10]  I poured forth sacred strains from my golden throat
in honour of the god Pan,[11] tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, from the top
of the thickly leaved ash, and my voice mingles with the mighty choirs
who extol Cybele on the mountain tops,[12] tototototototototinx.
'Tis to our concerts that Phrynichus comes to pillage like a bee
the ambrosia of his songs, the sweetness of which so charms the ear,
tio, tio, tio, tio, tinx.

If there be one of you spectators who wishes to spend the rest
of his life quietly among the birds, let him come to us.  All that
is disgraceful and forbidden by law on earth is on the contrary
honourable among us, the birds.  For instance, among you 'tis a crime
to beat your father, but with us 'tis an estimable deed; it's
considered fine to run straight at your father and hit him, saying,
"Come, lift your spur if you want to fight."[13]  The runaway slave,
whom you brand, is only a spotted francolin with us.[14]  Are you
Phrygian like Spintharus?[15]  Among us you would be the Phrygian bird,
the goldfinch, of the race of Philemon.[16]  Are you a slave and
a Carian like Execestides?  Among us you can create yourself
fore-fathers;[17] you can always find relations.  Does the son of Pisias
want to betray the gates of the city to the foe?  Let him become
a partridge, the fitting offspring of his father; among us there is
no shame in escaping as cleverly as a partridge.

So the swans on the banks of the Hebrus, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx,
mingle their voices to serenade Apollo, tio, tio, tio, tio. tiotinx,
flapping their wings the while, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx; their notes
reach beyond the clouds of heaven; all the dwellers in the forest stand
still with astonishment and delight; a calm rests upon the waters,
and the Graces and the choirs in Olympus catch up the strain, tio, tio,
tio, tio, tiotinx.

There is nothing more useful nor more pleasant than to have wings.
To begin with, just let us suppose a spectator to be dying with hunger
and to be weary of the choruses of the tragic poets; if he were
winged, he would fly off, go home to dine and come back with his
stomach filled.  Some Patroclides in urgent need would not have to 
soil his cloak, but could fly off, satisfy his requirements, and,
having recovered his breath, return.  If one of you, it matters not who,
had adulterous relations and saw the husband of his mistress
in the seats of the senators, he might stretch his wings, fly thither,
and, having appeased his craving, resume his place.  Is it not
the most priceless gift of all, to be winged?  Look at Diitrephes![18]
His wings were only wicker-work ones, and yet he got himself chosen
Phylarch and then Hipparch; from being nobody, he has risen
to be famous; 'tis now the finest gilded cock of his tribe.[19]

f[1] The actor, representing Procne, was a flute-player.
f[2] The parabasis.
f[3] A sophist of the island of Ceos, a disciple of Protagoras,
as celebrated for his knowledge as for his eloquence.  The Athenians
condemned him to death as a corrupter of youth in 396 B.C.
f[4] Lovers were wont to make each other presents of birds.  The cock
and the goose are mentioned, of course, in jest.
f[5] i.e. that it gave notice of the approach of winter, during which
season the Ancients did not venture to sea.
f[6] A notorious robber.
f[7] Meaning, "We are your oracles."  --Dodona was an oracle in Epirus.
--The temple of Zeus there was surrounded by a dense forest, all
the trees of which were endowed with the gift of prophecy; both
the sacred oaks and the pigeons that lived in them answered
the questions of those who came to consult the oracle in pure Greek.
f[8] The Greek word for 'omen' is the same as that for 'bird.'
f[9] A satire on the passion of the Greeks for seeing an omen
in everything.
f[10] An imitation of the nightingale's song.
f[11] God of the groves and wilds.
f[12] The 'Mother of the Gods'; roaming the mountains, she held dances,
always attended by Pan and his accompanying rout of Fauns and Satyrs.
f[13] An allusion to cock-fighting; the birds are armed with brazen spurs.
f[14] An allusion to the spots on this bird, which resemble the scars
left by a branding iron.
f[15] He was of Asiatic origin, but wished to pass for an Athenian.
f[16] Or Philamnon, King of Thrace; the scholiast remarks that
the Phrygians and the Thracians had a common origin.
f[17] The Greek word here is also the name of a little bird.
f[18] A basket-maker who had become rich. --The Phylarchs were the
headmen of the tribes. They presided at the private assemblies
and were charged with the management of the treasury. --The Hipparchs,
as the name implies, were the leaders of the cavalry; there were
only two of these in the Athenian army.
f[19] He had become a senator.

PISTHETAERUS
Halloa! What's this?  By Zeus! I never saw anything so funny in all
my life.[1]

f[1] Pisthetaerus and Euelpides now both return with wings.

EUELPIDES
What makes you laugh?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis your bits of wings.  D'you know what you look like?  Like a goose
painted by some dauber-fellow.

EUELPIDES
And you look like a close-shaven blackbird.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis ourselves asked for this transformation, and, as Aeschylus
has it, "These are no borrowed feathers, but truly our own."[1]

f[1] Meaning, 'tis we who wanted to have these wings. --The verse
from Aeschylus, quoted here, is taken from 'The Myrmidons,' a tragedy
of which only a few fragments remain.

EPOPS
Come now, what must be done?

PISTHETAERUS
First give our city a great and famous name, then sacrifice to the gods.

EUELPIDES
I think so too.

EPOPS
Let's see.  What shall our city be called?

PISTHETAERUS
Will you have a high-sounding Laconian name?  Shall we call it Sparta?

EUELPIDES
What! call my town Sparta?  Why, I would not use esparto for my
bed,[1] even though I had nothing but bands of rushes.

f[1] The Greek word signified the city of Sparta, and also a kind
of broom used for weaving rough matting, which served for the beds
of the very poor.

PISTHETAERUS
Well then, what name can you suggest?

EUELPIDES
Some name borrowed from the clouds, from these lofty regions
in which we dwell--in short, some well-known name.

PISTHETAERUS
Do you like Nephelococcygia?[1]

f[1] A fanciful name constructed from [the word for] a cloud, and
[the word for] a cuckoo; thus a city of clouds and cuckoos.
--'Wolkenkukelheim' is a clever approximation in German.
Cloud-cuckoo-town, perhaps, is the best English equivalent.

EPOPS
Oh! capital! truly 'tis a brilliant thought!

EUELPIDES
Is it in Nephelococcygia that all the wealth of Theovenes[1] and most
of Aeschines'[2] is?

f[1] He was a boaster nicknamed 'smoke,' because he promised
a great deal and never kept his word.
f[2] Also mentioned in 'The Wasps.'

PISTHETAERUS
No, 'tis rather the plain of Phlegra,[1] where the gods withered
the pride of the sons of the Earth with their shafts.

f[1] Because the war of the Titans against the gods was only a fiction
of the poets.

EUELPIDES
Oh! what a splendid city! But what god shall be its patron?
for whom shall we weave the peplus?[1]

f[1] A sacred cloth, with which the statue of Athene in the Acropolis
was draped.

PISTHETAERUS
Why not choose Athene Polias?[1]

f[1] Meaning, to be patron-goddess of the city.  Athene had a temple
of this name.

EUELPIDES
Oh! what a well-ordered town 'twould be to have a female deity
armed from head to foot, while Clisthenes[1] was spinning!

f[1] An Athenian effeminate, frequently ridiculed by Aristophanes.

PISTHETAERUS
Who then shall guard the Pelargicon?[1]

f[1] This was the name of the wall surrounding the Acropolis.

EPOPS
One of us, a bird of Persian strain, who is everywhere proclaimed to be
the bravest of all, a true chick of Ares.[1]

f[1] i.e. the fighting cock.

EUELPIDES
Oh! noble chick! What a well-chosen god for a rocky home!

PISTHETAERUS
Come! into the air with you to help the workers who are building
the wall; carry up rubble, strip yourself to mix the mortar, take up
the hod, tumble down the ladder, an you like, post sentinels, keep
the fire smouldering beneath the ashes, go round the walls, bell
in hand,[1] and go to sleep up there yourself; then d[i]spatch two
heralds, one to the gods above, the other to mankind on earth
and come back here.

f[1] To waken the sentinels, who might else have fallen asleep.
--There are several merry contradictions in the various parts
of this list of injunctions.

EUELPIDES
As for yourself, remain here, and may the plague take you for
a troublesome fellow!

PISTHETAERUS
Go, friend, go where I send you, for without you my orders
cannot be obeyed.  For myself, I want to sacrifice to the new god,
and I am going to summon the priest who must preside at the ceremony.
Slaves! slaves! bring forward the basket and the lustral water.

CHORUS
I do as you do, and I wish as you wish, and I implore you to
address powerful and solemn prayers to the gods, and in addition to
immolate a sheep as a token of our gratitude.  Let us sing the
Pythian chant in honour of the god, and let Chaeris accompany our
voices.

PISTHETAERUS (TO THE FLUTE-PLAYER)
Enough! but, by Heracles! what is this?  Great gods! I have seen
many prodigious things, but I never saw a muzzled raven.[1]

f[1] In allusion to the leather strap which flute-players wore
to constrict the cheeks and add to the power of the breath.
The performer here no doubt wore a raven's mask.

EPOPS
Priest! 'tis high time! Sacrifice to the new gods.

PRIEST
I begin, but where is he with the basket?  Pray to the Vesta
of the birds, to the kite, who presides over the hearth, and
to all the god and goddess-birds who dwell in Olympus.

CHORUS
Oh! Hawk, the sacred guardian of Sunium, oh, god of the storks!

PRIEST
Pray to the swan of Delos, to Latona the mother of the quails, and to
Artemis, the goldfinch.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis no longer Artemis Colaenis, but Artemis the goldfinch.[1]

f[1] Hellanicus, the Mitylenian historian, tells that this surname
of Artemis is derived from Colaenus, King of Athens before Cecrops
and a descendant of Hermes.  In obedience to an oracle he erected
a temple to the goddess, invoking her as Artemis Colaenis (the Artemis
of Colaenus).

PRIEST
And to Bacchus, the finch and Cybele, the ostrich and mother
of the gods and mankind.

CHORUS
Oh! sovereign ostrich, Cybele, The mother of Cleocritus,[1]
grant health and safety to the Nephelococcygians as well as
to the dwellers in Chios...

f[1] This Cleocritus, says the scholiast, was long-necked and strutted
like an ostrich.

PISTHETAERUS
The dwellers in Chios!  Ah! I am delighted they should be thus
mentioned on all occasions.[1]

f[1] The Chians were the most faithful allies of Athens, and hence
their name was always mentioned in prayers, decrees, etc.

CHORUS
...to the heroes, the birds, to the sons of heroes, to
the porphyrion, the pelican, the spoon-bill, the redbreast, the grouse,
the peacock, the horned-owl, the teal, the bittern, the heron,
the stormy petrel, the fig-pecker, the titmouse...

PISTHETAERUS
Stop! stop! you drive me crazy with your endless list.  Why,
wretch, to what sacred feast are you inviting the vultures and
the sea-eagles?  Don't you see that a single kite could easily carry off
the lot at once?  Begone, you and your fillets and all; I shall know
how to complete the sacrifice by myself.

PRIEST
It is imperative that I sing another sacred chant for the rite
of the lustral water, and that I invoke the immortals, or at least one
of them, provided always that you have some suitable food to offer
him; from what I see here, in the shape of gifts, there is naught
whatever but horn and hair.

PISTHETAERUS
Let us address our sacrifices and our prayers to the winged gods.

A POET
Oh, Muse! celebrate happy Nephelococcygia in your hymns.

PISTHETAERUS
What have we here?  Where did you come from, tell me?  Who are you?

POET
I am he whose language is sweeter than honey, the zealous slave
of the Muses, as Homer has it.

PISTHETAERUS
You a slave! and yet you wear your hair long?

POET
No, but the fact is all we poets are the assiduous slaves
of the Muses, according to Homer.

PISTHETAERUS
In truth your little cloak is quite holy too through zeal!
But, poet, what ill wind drove you here?

POET
I have composed verses in honour of your Nephelococcygia, a host
of splendid dithyrambs and parthenians[1] worthy of Simonides himself.

f[1] Verses sung by maidens.

PISTHETAERUS
And when did you compose them?  How long since?

POET
Oh! 'tis long, aye, very long, that I have sung in honour of this city.

PISTHETAERUS
But I am only celebrating its foundation with this sacrifice;[1]
I have only just named it, as is done with little babies.

f[1] This ceremony took place on the tenth day after birth, and
may be styled the pagan baptism.

POET
"Just as the chargers fly with the speed of the wind, so does
the voice of the Muses take its flight.  Oh! thou noble founder of
the town of Aetna,[1] thou, whose name recalls the holy sacrifices,[2]
make us such gift as thy generous heart shall suggest."

f[1] Hiero, tyrant of Syracuse. --This passage is borrowed from Pindar.
f[2] [Hiero] in Greek means 'sacrifice.'

PISTHETAERUS
He will drive us silly if we do not get rid of him by some present.
Here! you, who have a fur as well as your tunic, take it off
and give it to this clever poet.  Come, take this fur; you look to me
to be shivering with cold.

POET
My Muse will gladly accept this gift; but engrave these verses
of Pindar's on your mind.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! what a pest! 'Tis impossible then to be rid of him!

POET
"Straton wanders among the Scythian nomads, but has no linen garment.
He is sad at only wearing an animal's pelt and no tunic."
Do you conceive my bent?

PISTHETAERUS
I understand that you want me to offer you a tunic.  Hi! you (TO
EUELPIDES), take off yours; we must help the poet....  Come, you,
take it and begone.

POET
I am going, and these are the verses that I address to this city:
"Phoebus of the golden throne, celebrate this shivery,
freezing city; I have travelled through fruitful and snow-covered
plains.  Tralala! Tralala!"[1]

f[1] A parody of poetic pathos, not to say bathos.

PISTHETAERUS
What are you chanting us about frosts?  Thanks to the tunic, you no
longer fear them.  Ah! by Zeus! I could not have believed this cursed
fellow could so soon have learnt the way to our city.   Come, priest,
take the lustral water and circle the altar.

PRIEST
Let all keep silence!

A PROPHET
Let not the goat be sacrificed.[1]

F[1] Which the priest was preparing to sacrifice.

PISTHETAERUS
Who are you?

PROPHET
Who am I?  A prophet.

PISTHETAERUS
Get you gone.

PROPHET
Wretched man, insult not sacred things.  For there is an oracle
of Bacis, which exactly applies to Nephelococcygia.

PISTHETAERUS
Why did you not reveal it to me before I founded my city?

PROPHET
The divine spirit was against it.

PISTHETAERUS
Well, 'tis best to know the terms of the oracle.

PROPHET
"But when the wolves and the white crows shall dwell together
between Corinth and Sicyon..."

PISTHETAERUS
But how do the Corinthians concern me?

PROPHET
'Tis the regions of the air that Bacis indicated in this manner.
"They must first sacrifice a white-fleeced goat to Pandora, and give
the prophet, who first reveals my words, a good cloak and new sandals."

PISTHETAERUS
Are the sandals there?

PROPHET
Read.  "And besides this a goblet of wine and a good share
of the entrails of the victim."

PISTHETAERUS
Of the entrails--is it so written?

PROPHET
Read.  "If you do as I command, divine youth, you shall be an eagle
among the clouds; if not, you shall be neither turtle-dove, nor eagle,
nor woodpecker."

PISTHETAERUS
Is all that there?

PROPHET
Read.

PISTHETAERUS
This oracle in no sort of way resembles the one Apollo dictated
to me: "If an impostor comes without invitation to annoy you during
the sacrifice and to demand a share of the victim, apply a stout stick
to his ribs."

PROPHET
You are drivelling.

PISTHETAERUS
"And don't spare him, were he an eagle from out of the clouds,
were it Lampon[1] himself or the great Diopithes."[2]

f[1] Noted Athenian diviner, who, when the power was still shared
between Thucydides and Pericles, predicted that it would soon be
centred in the hands of the latter; his ground for this prophecy was
the sight of a ram with a single horn.
f[2] No doubt another Athenian diviner, and possibly the same person whom
Aristophanes names in 'The Knights' and 'The Wasps' as being a thief.

PROPHET
Is all that there?

PISTHETAERUS
Here, read it yourself, and go and hang yourself.

PROPHET
Oh! unfortunate wretch that I am.

PISTHETAERUS
Away with you, and take your prophecies elsewhere.

METON[1]
I have come to you.

f[1] A celebrated geometrician and astronomer.

PISTHETAERUS
Yet another pest!  What have you come to do?  What's your plan?
What's the purpose of your journey?  Why these splendid buskins?

METON
I want to survey the plains of the air for you and to parcel
them into lots.

PISTHETAERUS
In the name of the gods, who are you?

METON
Who am I?  Meton, known throughout Greece and at Colonus.[1]

f[1] A deme contiguous to Athens. It is as though he said, "Well known
throughout all England and at Croydon.

PISTHETAERUS
What are these things?

METON
Tools for measuring the air.  In truth, the spaces in the air
have precisely the form of a furnace.  With this bent ruler I draw
a line from top to bottom; from one of its points I describe a circle
with the compass.  Do you understand?

PISTHETAERUS
Not the very least.

METON
With the straight ruler I set to work to inscribe a square
within this circle; in its centre will be the market-place, into which
all the straight streets will lead, converging to this centre like
a star, which, although only orbicular, sends forth its rays
in a straight line from all sides.

PISTHETAERUS
Meton, you new Thales...[1]

f[1] Thales was no less famous as a geometrician than he was as a sage.

METON
What d'you want with me?

PISTHETAERUS
I want to give you a proof of my friendship.  Use your legs.

METON
Why, what have I to fear?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis the same here as in Sparta.  Strangers are driven away,
and blows rain down as thick as hail.

METON
Is there sedition in your city?

PISTHETAERUS
No, certainly not.

METON
What's wrong then?

PISTHETAERUS
We are agreed to sweep all quacks and impostors far from our borders.

METON
Then I'm off.

PISTHETAERUS
I fear 'tis too late.  The thunder growls already. (BEATS HIM.)

METON
Oh, woe! oh, woe!

PISTHETAERUS
I warned you.  Now, be off, and do your surveying somewhere else.
(METON TAKES TO HIS HEELS.)

AN INSPECTOR
Where are the Proxeni?[1]

f[1] Officers of Athens, whose duty was to protect strangers who came
on political or other business, and see to their interests generally.

PISTHETAERUS
Who is this Sardanapalus?[1]

f[1] He addresses the inspector thus because of the royal
and magnificent manners he assumes.

INSPECTOR
I have been appointed by lot to come to Nephelococcygia.
as inspector.[1]

f[1] Magistrates appointed to inspect the tributary towns.

PISTHETAERUS
An inspector! and who sends you here, you rascal?

INSPECTOR
A decree of T[e]leas.[1]

f[1] A much-despised citizen, already mentioned.  He ironically
supposes him invested with the powers of an Archon, which ordinarily
were entrusted only to men of good repute.

PISTHETAERUS
Will you just pocket your salary, do nothing, and be off?

INSPECTOR
I' faith! that I will; I am urgently needed to be at Athens to attend
the assembly; for I am charged with the interests of Pharnaces.[1]

f[1] A Persian satrap. --An allusion to certain orators, who, bribed
with Asiatic gold, had often defended the interests of the foe
in the Public Assembly.

PISTHETAERUS
Take it then, and be off.  See, here is your salary.  (BEATS HIM.)

INSPECTOR
What does this mean?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis the assembly where you have to defend Pharnaces.

INSPECTOR
You shall testify that they dare to strike me, the inspector.

PISTHETAERUS
Are you not going to clear out with your urns?  'Tis not to be
believed; they send us inspectors before we have so much as paid
sacrifice to the gods.

A DEALER IN DECREES
"If the Nephelococcygian does wrong to the Athenian..."

PISTHETAERUS
Now whatever are these cursed parchments?

DEALER IN DECREES
I am a dealer in decrees, and I have come here to sell you
the new laws.

PISTHETAERUS
Which?

DEALER IN DECREES
"The Nephelococcygians shall adopt the same weights, measures
and decrees as the Olophyxians."[1]

f[1] A Macedonian people in the peninsula of Chalcidice.  This name
is chosen because of its similarity to the Greek word [for] 'to groan.'
It is from another verb, meaning the same thing, that Pisthetaerus coins
the name of Ototyxians, i.e. groaners, because he is about to beat
the dealer. --The mother-country had the right to impose any law
it chose upon its colonies.

PISTHETAERUS
And you shall soon be imitating the Ototyxians.  (BEATS HIM.)

DEALER IN DECREES
Hullo! what are you doing?

PISTHETAERUS
Now will you be off with your decrees?  For I am going to let YOU
see some severe ones.

INSPECTOR (RETURNING)
I summon Pisthetaerus for outrage for the month of Munychion.[1]

f[1] Corresponding to our month of April.

PISTHETAERUS
Ha! my friend! are you still there?

DEALER IN DECREES
"Should anyone drive away the magistrates and not receive them,
according to the decree duly posted..."

PISTHETAERUS
What! rascal! you are there too?

INSPECTOR
Woe to you! I'll have you condemned to a fine of ten thousand
drachmae.

PISTHETAERUS
And I'll smash your urns.[1]

f[1] Which the inspector had brought with him for the purpose
of inaugurating the assemblies of the people or some tribunal.

INSPECTOR
Do you recall that evening when you stooled against the column where
the decrees are posted?

PISTHETAERUS
Here! here! let him be seized.  (THE INSPECTOR RUNS OFF.)  Well!
don't you want to stop any longer?

PRIEST
Let us get indoors as quick as possible; we will sacrifice the goat
inside.[1]

f[1] So that the sacrifices might no longer be interrupted.

CHORUS
Henceforth it is to me that mortals must address their
sacrifices and their prayers.  Nothing escapes my sight nor my might.
My glance embraces the universe, I preserve the fruit in the flower
by destroying the thousand kinds of voracious insects the soil
produces, which attack the trees and feed on the germ when it has
scarcely formed in the calyx; I destroy those who ravage the balmy
terrace gardens like a deadly plague; all these gnawing crawling
creatures perish beneath the lash of my wing.  I hear it proclaimed 
everywhere: "A talent for him who shall kill Diagoras of Melos,[1]
and a talent for him who destroys one of the dead tyrants."[2]
We likewise wish to make our proclamation: "A talent to him among you
who shall kill Philocrates, the Struthian;[3] four, if he
brings him to us alive.  For this Philocrates skewers the finches
together and sells them at the rate of an obolus for seven.  He
tortures the thrushes by blowing them out, so that they may look
bigger, sticks their own feathers into the nostrils of blackbirds, and
collects pigeons, which he shuts up and forces them, fastened in a
net, to decoy others." That is what we wish to proclaim.  And if anyone
is keeping birds shut up in his yard, let him hasten to let them
loose; those who disobey shall be seized by the birds and we shall put
them in chains, so that in their turn they may decoy other men.

Happy indeed is the race of winged birds who need no cloak in winter!
Neither do I fear the relentless rays of the fiery dog-days;
when the divine grasshopper, intoxicated with the sunlight, when noon
is burning the ground, is breaking out into shrill melody; my home
is beneath the foliage in the flowery meadows.  I winter in deep
caverns, where I frolic with the mountain nymphs, while in spring
I despoil the gardens of the Graces and gather the white, virgin berry
on the myrtle bushes.

I want now to speak to the judges about the prize they are going
to award; if they are favourable to us, we will load them with
benefits far greater than those Paris[4] received.  Firstly, the owls
of Laurium,[5] which every judge desires above all things, shall never
be wanting to you; you shall see them homing with you, building their
nests in your money-bags and laying coins.  Besides, you shall be
housed like the gods, for we shall erect gables[6] over your dwellings;
if you hold some public post and want to do a little pilfering,
we will give you the sharp claws of a hawk.  Are you dining in town,
we will provide you with crops.[7]  But, if your award is against us,
don't fail to have metal covers fashioned for yourselves, like those
they place over statues;[8] else, look out! for the day you wear
a white tunic all the birds will soil it with their droppings.

f[1] A disciple of Democrites; he passed over from superstition
to  atheism.  The injustice and perversity of mankind led him to deny
the existence of the gods, to lay bare the mysteries and to break
the idols.  The Athenians had put a price on his head, so he left Greece
and perished soon afterwards in a storm at sea.
f[2] By this jest Aristophanes means to imply that tyranny is dead, and
that no one aspires to despotic power, though this silly accusation
was constantly being raised by the demagogues and always favourably
received by the populace.
f[3] A poulterer. --Strouthian, used in joke to designate him, as if
from  the name of his 'deme,' is derived from [the Greek for] 'a sparrow.'
The  birds' foe is thus grotesquely furnished with an ornithological
surname.
f[4] From Aphrodite (Venus), to whom he had awarded the apple, prize
of  beauty, in the contest of the "goddesses three."
f[5] Laurium was an Athenian deme at the extremity of the Attic
peninsula containing valuable silver mines, the revenues of which
were largely employed in the maintenance of the fleet and payment
of the crews. The "owls of Laurium," of course, mean pieces of money;
the Athenian coinage was stamped with a representation of an owl,
the bird of Athene.
f[6] A pun, impossible to keep in English, on the two meanings
of [the Greek] word which signifies both an eagle and the gable
of a house or pediment of a temple.
f[7] That is, birds' crops, into which they could stow away plenty
of good things.
f[8] The Ancients appear to have placed metal discs over statues
standing in the open air, to save them from injury from the weather, etc.

PISTHETAERUS
Birds! the sacrifice is propitious.  But I see no messenger
coming from the wall to tell us what is happening.  Ah! here comes
one running himself out of breath as though he were running the Olympic
stadium.

MESSENGER
Where, where is he?  Where, where, where is he?  Where, where, where
is he?  Where is Pisthetaerus, our leader?

PISTHETAERUS
Here am I.

MESSENGER
The wall is finished.

PISTHETAERUS
That's good news.

MESSENGER
'Tis a most beautiful, a most magnificent work of art.  The wall is
so broad that Proxenides, the Braggartian, and Theogenes could pass
each other in their chariots, even if they were drawn by steeds as big
as the Trojan horse.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis wonderful!

MESSENGER
Its length is one hundred stadia; I measured it myself.

PISTHETAERUS
A decent length, by Posidon!  And who built such a wall?

MESSENGER
Birds--birds only; they had neither Egyptian brickmaker, nor
stone-mason, nor carpenter; the birds did it all themselves; I could
hardly believe my eyes.  Thirty thousand cranes came from Libya
with a supply of stones,[1] intended for the foundations.  The water-
rails chiselled them with their beaks.  Ten thousand storks were busy
making bricks; plovers and other water fowl carried water
into the air.

f[1] So as not to be carried away by the wind when crossing the sea,
cranes are popularly supposed to ballast themselves with stones,
which they carry in their beaks.

PISTHETAERUS
And who carried the mortar?

MESSENGER
Herons, in hods.

PISTHETAERUS
But how could they put the mortar into hods?

MESSENGER
Oh! 'twas a truly clever invention; the geese used their feet
like spades; they buried them in the pile of mortar and then emptied
them into the hods.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! to what use cannot feet be put?[1]

f[1] Pisthetaerus modifies the Greek proverbial saying, "To what use
cannot hands be put?"

MESSENGER
You should have seen how eagerly the ducks carried bricks.  To
complete the tale, the swallows came flying to the work, their beaks
full of mortar and their trowel on their back, just the way little
children are carried.

PISTHETAERUS
Who would want paid servants after this?  But tell me, who did
the woodwork?

MESSENGER
Birds again, and clever carpenters too, the pelicans, for they
squared up the gates with their beaks in such a fashion that one would
have thought they were using axes; the noise was just like a dockyard.
Now the whole wall is tight everywhere, securely bolted and well
guarded; it is patrolled, bell in hand; the sentinels stand everywhere
and beacons burn on the towers.  But I must run off to clean myself;
the rest is your business.

CHORUS
Well! what do you say to it?  Are you not astonished at the wall
being completed so quickly?

PISTHETAERUS
By the gods, yes, and with good reason.  'Tis really not to be
believed.  But here comes another messenger from the wall to bring us
some further news!  What a fighting look he has!

SECOND MESSENGER
Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh!

PISTHETAERUS
What's the matter?

SECOND MESSENGER
A horrible outrage has occurred; a god sent by Zeus has passed
through our gates and has penetrated the realms of the air without
the knowledge of the jays, who are on guard in the daytime.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis an unworthy and criminal deed.  What god was it?

SECOND MESSENGER
We don't know that.  All we know is, that he has got wings.

PISTHETAERUS
Why were not guards sent against him at once?

SECOND MESSENGER
We have d[i]spatched thirty thousand hawks of the legion of Mounted
Archers.[1]  All the hook-clawed birds are moving against him, the
kestrel, the buzzard, the vulture, the great-horned owl; they cleave
the air, so that it resounds with the flapping of their wings; they are
looking everywhere for the god, who cannot be far away; indeed, if I
mistake not, he is coming from yonder side.

f[1] A corps of Athenian cavalry was so named.

PISTHETAERUS
All arm themselves with slings and bows!  This way, all our soldiers;
shoot and strike!  Some one give me a sling!

CHORUS
War, a terrible war is breaking out between us and the gods!  Come,
let each one guard Air, the son of Erebus,[1] in which the clouds
float.  Take care no immortal enters it without your knowledge.
Scan all sides with your glance.  Hark! methinks I can hear the
rustle of the swift wings of a god from heaven.

f[1] Chaos, Night, Tartarus, and Erebus alone existed in the beginning;
Eros was born from Night and Erebus, and he wedded Chaos and begot
Earth, Air, and Heaven; so runs the fable.

PISTHETAERUS
Hi! you woman! where are you flying to?  Halt, don't stir! keep
motionless! not a beat of your wing! --Who are you and from what
country?  You must say whence you come.[1]

f[1] Iris appears from the top of the stage and arrests her flight
in mid-career.

IRIS
I come from the abode of the Olympian gods.

PISTHETAERUS
What's your name, ship or cap?[1]

f[1] Ship, because of her wings, which resemble oars; cap, because she
no doubt wore the head-dress (as a messenger of the gods) with which
Hermes is generally depicted.

IRIS
I am swift Iris.

PISTHETAERUS
Paralus or Salaminia?[1]

f[1] The names of the two sacred galleys which carried Athenian
officials on State business.

IRIS
What do you mean?

PISTHETAERUS
Let a buzzard rush at her and seize her.[1]

f[1] A buzzard is named in order to raise a laugh, the Greek name also
meaning, etymologically, provided with three testicles, vigorous
in love.

IRIS
Seize me!  But what do all these insults mean?

PISTHETAERUS
Woe to you!

IRIS
'Tis incomprehensible.

PISTHETAERUS
By which gate did you pass through the wall, wretched woman?

IRIS
By which gate?  Why, great gods, I don't know.

PISTHETAERUS
You hear how she holds us in derision.  Did you present yourself
to the officers in command of the jays?  You don't answer.  Have you
a permit, bearing the seal of the storks?

IRIS
Am I awake?

PISTHETAERUS
Did you get one?

IRIS
Are you mad?

PISTHETAERUS
No head-bird gave you a safe-conduct?

IRIS
A safe-conduct to me, you poor fool!

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! and so you slipped into this city on the sly and into these
realms of air-land that don't belong to you.

IRIS
And what other roads can the gods travel?

PISTHETAERUS
By Zeus! I know nothing about that, not I.  But they won't pass
this way.  And you still dare to complain!  Why, if you were treated
according to your deserts, no Iris would ever have more justly
suffered death.

IRIS
I am immortal.

PISTHETAERUS
You would have died nevertheless. --Oh! 'twould be truly
intolerable! What! should the universe obey us and the gods alone
continue their insolence and not understand that they must submit
to the law of the strongest in their due turn?  But tell me, where
are you flying to?

IRIS
I?  The messenger of Zeus to mankind, I am going to tell them to
sacrifice sheep and oxen on the altars and to fill their streets
with the rich smoke of burning fat.

PISTHETAERUS
Of which gods are you speaking?

IRIS
Of which?  Why, of ourselves, the gods of heaven.

PISTHETAERUS
You, gods?

IRIS
Are there others then?

PISTHETAERUS
Men now adore the birds as gods, and 'tis to them, by Zeus, that
they must offer sacrifices, and not to Zeus at all!

IRIS
Oh! fool! fool! Rouse not the wrath of the gods, for 'tis
terrible indeed.  Armed with the brand of Zeus, Justice would
annihilate your race; the lightning would strike you as it did
Licymnius and consume both your body and the porticos of your palace.[1]

f[1] Iris' reply is a parody of the tragic style. --'Lycimnius'
is, according to the scholiast, the title of a tragedy by Euripides,
which is about a ship that is struck by lightning.

PISTHETAERUS
Here! that's enough tall talk.  Just you listen and keep quiet!
Do you take me for a Lydian or a Phrygian[1] and think to frighten me
with your big words?  Know, that if Zeus worries me again, I shall go
at the head of my eagles, who are armed with lightning, and reduce his
dwelling and that of Amphion to cinders.[2]  I shall send more than six
hundred porphyrions clothed in leopards' skins[3] up to heaven against
him; and formerly a single Porphyrion gave him enough to do.  As for
you, his messenger, if you annoy me, I shall begin by stretching your
legs asunder, and so conduct myself, Iris though you be, that despite
my age, you will be astonished.  I will show you something that will
make you three times over.

f[1] i.e. for a poltroon, like the slaves, most of whom came to Athens
from these countries.
f[2] A parody of a passage in the lost tragedy of 'Niobe' of Aeschylus.
f[3] Because this bird has a spotted plumage. --Porphyrion is also
the name of one of the Titans who tried to storm heave.

IRIS
May you perish, you wretch, you and your infamous words!

PISTHETAERUS
Won't you be off quickly?  Come, stretch your wings or look out for squalls!

IRIS
If my father does not punish you for your insults...

PISTHETAERUS
Ha!...  but just you be off elsewhere to roast younger folk than us
with your lightning.

CHORUS
We forbid the gods, the sons of Zeus, to pass through our city and
the mortals to send them the smoke of their sacrifices by this road.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis odd that the messenger we sent to the mortals has never
returned.

HERALD
Oh! blessed Pisthetaerus, very wise, very illustrious, very
gracious, thrice happy, very...  Come, prompt me, somebody, do.

PISTHETAERUS
Get to your story!

HERALD
All peoples are filled with admiration for your wisdom, and they
award you this golden crown.

PISTHETAERUS
I accept it.  But tell me, why do the people admire me?

HERALD
Oh you, who have founded so illustrious a city in the air, you
know not in what esteem men hold you and how many there are who burn
with desire to dwell in it.  Before your city was built, all men had
a mania for Sparta; long hair and fasting were held in honour, men
went dirty like Socrates and carried staves.  Now all is changed.
Firstly, as soon as 'tis dawn, they all spring out of bed together
to go and seek their food, the same as you do; then they fly off
towards the notices and finally devour the decrees.  The bird-madness
is so clear, that many actually bear the names of birds.  There is
a halting victualler, who styles himself the partridge; Menippus calls
himself the swallow; Opuntius the one-eyed crow; Philocles the lark;
Theogenes the fox-goose; Lycurgus the ibis; Chaerephon the bat;
Syracosius the magpie; Midias the quail;[1] indeed he looks like
a quail that has been hit hard over the head.  Out of love for the birds
they repeat all the songs which concern the swallow, the teal, the
goose or the pigeon; in each verse you see wings, or at all events
a few feathers.  This is what is happening down there.  Finally,
there are more than ten thousand folk who are coming here from earth
to ask you for feathers and hooked claws; so, mind you supply yourself
with wings for the immigrants.

f[1] All these surnames bore some relation to the character or the build
of the individual to whom the poet applies them. --Chaerephon, 
Socrates' disciple,
was of white and ashen hue. --Opuntius was one-eyed. --Syracosius was 
a braggart.
--Midias had a passion for quail-fights, and, besides, resembled that bird
physically.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! by Zeus, 'tis not the time for idling.  Go as quick as possible
and fill every hamper, every basket you can find with wings.  Manes[1]
will bring them to me outside the walls, where I will welcome those
who present themselves.

f[1] Pisthetaerus' servant, already mentioned.

CHORUS
This town will soon be inhabited by a crowd of men.

PISTHETAERUS
If fortune favours us.

CHORUS
Folk are more and more delighted with it.

PISTHETAERUS
Come, hurry up and bring them along.

CHORUS
Will not man find here everything that can please him--wisdom,
love, the divine Graces, the sweet face of gentle peace?

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! you lazy servant! won't you hurry yourself?

CHORUS
Let a basket of wings be brought speedily.  Come, beat him as I do,
and put some life into him; he is as lazy as an ass.

PISTHETAERUS
Aye, Manes is a great craven.

CHORUS
Begin by putting this heap of wings in order; divide them in three
parts according to the birds from whom they came; the singing, the
prophetic[1] and the aquatic birds; then you must take care
to distribute them to the men according to their character.

f[1] From the inspection of which auguries were taken, e.g. the eagles,
the vultures, the crows.

PISTHETAERUS (TO MANES)
Oh! by the kestrels! I can keep my hands off you no longer; you
are too slow and lazy altogether.

A PARRICIDE[1]
Oh! might I but become an eagle, who soars in the skies!  Oh! might
I fly above the azure waves of the barren sea![2]

f[1] Or rather, a young man who contemplated parricide.
f[2] A parody of verses in Sophocles 'Oenomaus.'

PISTHETAERUS
Ha! 'twould seem the news was true; I hear someone coming who
talks of wings.

PARRICIDE
Nothing is more charming than to fly; I burn with desire to live
under the same laws as the birds; I am bird-mad and fly
towards you, for I want to live with you and to obey your laws.

PISTHETAERUS
Which laws?  The birds have many laws.

PARRICIDE
All of them; but the one that pleases me most is, that among the
birds it is considered a fine thing to peck and strangle one's father.

PISTHETAERUS
Aye, by Zeus! according to us, he who dares to strike his father, while
still a chick, is a brave fellow.

PARRICIDE
And therefore I want to dwell here, for I want to strangle my
father and inherit his wealth.

PISTHETAERUS
But we have also an ancient law written in the code of the storks,
which runs thus, "When the stork father has reared his young and has
taught them to fly, the young must in their turn support the father."

PARRICIDE
'Tis hardly worth while coming all this distance to be compelled
to keep my father!

PISTHETAERUS
No, no, young friend, since you have come to us with such
willingness, I am going to give you these black wings, as though you
were an orphan bird; furthermore, some good advice, that I received
myself in infancy.  Don't strike your father, but take these wings
in one hand and these spurs in the other; imagine you have a
cock's crest on your head and go and mount guard and fight; live
on your pay and respect your father's life.  You're a gallant fellow!
Very well, then! Fly to Thrace and fight.[1]

f[1] The Athenians were then besieging Amphipolis in the Thracian Chalcidice.

PARRICIDE
By Bacchus! 'Tis well spoken; I will follow your counsel.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis acting wisely, by Zeus.

CINESIAS[1]
"On my light pinions I soar off to Olympus; in its capricious
flight my Muse flutters along the thousand paths of poetry in turn..."

f[1] There was a real Cinesias--a dythyrambic poet born at Thebes.

PISTHETAERUS
This is a fellow will need a whole shipload of wings.

CINESIAS (singing)
"...and being fearless and vigorous, it is seeking fresh outlet."

PISTHETAERUS
Welcome, Cinesias, you lime-wood man![1] Why have you come here
a-twisting your game leg in circles?

f[1] The scholiast thinks that Cinesias, who was tall and slight
of build, wore a kind of corset of lime-wood to support his waist--
surely rather a far-fetched interpretation!

CINESIAS
"I want to become a bird, a tuneful nightingale."

PISTHETAERUS
Enough of that sort of ditty.  Tell me what you want.

CINESIAS
Give me wings and I will fly into the topmost airs to gather fresh
songs in the clouds, in the midst of the vapours and the fleecy snow.

PISTHETAERUS
Gather songs in the clouds?

CINESIAS
'Tis on them the whole of our latter-day art depends.  The most
brilliant dithyrambs are those that flap their wings in void space
and are clothed in mist and dense obscurity.  To appreciate this,
just listen.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! no, no, no!

CINESIAS
By Hermes! but indeed you shall.  "I shall travel through thine
ethereal empire like a winged bird, who cleaveth space with his
long neck..."

PISTHETAERUS
Stop! easy all, I say![1]

f[1] The Greek word used here was the word of command employed
to stop the rowers.

CINESIAS
"...as I soar over the seas, carried by the breath of the
winds..."

PISTHETAERUS
By Zeus! but I'll cut your breath short.

CINESIAS
"...now rushing along the tracks of Notus, now nearing Boreas
across the infinite wastes of the ether." (PISTHETAERUS BEATS HIM.}
Ah! old man, that's a pretty and clever idea truly!

PISTHETAERUS
What! are you not delighted to be cleaving the air?[1]

F[1] Cinesias makes a bound each time that Pisthetaerus strikes him.

CINESIAS
To treat a dithyrambic poet, for whom the tribes dispute with each
other, in this style![1]

f[1] The tribes of Athens, or rather the rich citizens belonging
to them, were wont on feast-days to give representations of dithyrambic
choruses as well as of tragedies and comedies.

PISTHETAERUS
Will you stay with us and form a chorus of winged birds as slender
as Leotrophides[1] for the Cecropid tribe?

f[1] Another dithyrambic poet, a man of extreme leanness.

CINESIAS
You are making game of me, 'tis clear; but know that I shall
never leave you in peace if I do not have wings wherewith
to traverse the air.

AN INFORMER
What are these birds with downy feathers, who look so pitiable
to me?  Tell me, oh swallow with the long dappled wings.[1]

f[1] A parody of a hemistich from 'Alcaeus.' --The informer is
dissatisfied at only seeing birds of sombre plumage and poor appearance.
He would have preferred to denounce the rich.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! but 'tis a regular invasion that threatens us.  Here comes
another of them, humming along.

INFORMER
Swallow with the long dappled wings, once more I summon you.

PISTHETAERUS
It's his cloak I believe he's addressing; 'faith, it stands in great
need of the swallows' return.[1]

f[1] The informer, says the scholiast, was clothed with a ragged cloak,
the tatters of which hung down like wings, in fact, a cloak that could
not protect him from the cold and must have made him long for the
swallows' return, i.e. the spring.

INFORMER
Where is he who gives out wings to all comers?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis I, but you must tell me for what purpose you want them.

INFORMER
Ask no questions.  I want wings, and wings I must have.

PISTHETAERUS
Do you want to fly straight to Pellene?[1]

f[1] A town in Achaia, where woollen cloaks were made.

INFORMER
I?  Why, I am an accuser of the islands,[1] an informer...

f[1] His trade was to accuse the rich citizens of the subject islands,
and drag them before the Athenian court; he explains later the special
advantages of this branch of the informer's business.

PISTHETAERUS
A fine trade, truly!

INFORMER
...a hatcher of lawsuits.  Hence I have great need of wings
to prowl round the cities and drag them before justice.

PISTHETAERUS
Would you do this better if you had wings?

INFORMER
No, but I should no longer fear the pirates; I should return
with the cranes, loaded with a supply of lawsuits by way of ballast.

PISTHETAERUS
So it seems, despite all your youthful vigour, you make it your
trade to denounce strangers?

INFORMER
Well, and why not?  I don't know how to dig.

PISTHETAERUS
But, by Zeus! there are honest ways of gaining a living at your age
without all this infamous trickery.

INFORMER
My friend, I am asking you for wings, not for words.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis just my words that give you wings.

INFORMER
And how can you give a man wings with your words?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis thus that all first start.

INFORMER
All?

PISTHETAERUS
Have you not often heard the father say to young men in the
barbers' shops, "It's astonishing how Diitrephes' advice has made
my son fly to horse-riding." --"Mine," says another, "has flown
towards tragic poetry on the wings of his imagination."

INFORMER
So that words give wings?

PISTHETAERUS
Undoubtedly; words give wings to the mind and make a man soar
to heaven.  Thus I hope that my wise words will give you wings to fly
to some less degrading trade.

INFORMER
But I do not want to.

PISTHETAERUS
What do you reckon on doing then?

INFORMER
I won't belie my breeding; from generation to generation we have
lived by informing.  Quick, therefore, give me quickly some light,
swift hawk or kestrel wings, so that I may summon the islanders,
sustain the accusation here, and haste back there again on flying
pinions.

PISTHETAERUS
I see.  In this way the stranger will be condemned even before
he appears.

INFORMER
That's just it.

PISTHETAERUS
And while he is on his way here by sea, you will be flying
to the islands to despoil him of his property.

INFORMER
You've hit it, precisely; I must whirl hither and thither like
a perfect humming-top.

PISTHETAERUS
I catch the idea.  Wait, i' faith, I've got some fine Corcyraean
wings.[1]  How do you like them?

f[1] That is, whips--Corcyra being famous for these articles.

INFORMER
Oh! woe is me! Why, 'tis a whip!

PISTHETAERUS
No, no; these are the wings, I tell you, that set the top a-spinning.

INFORMER
Oh! oh! oh!

PISTHETAERUS
Take your flight, clear off, you miserable cur, or you will soon
see what comes of quibbling and lying. Come, let us gather up our wings
and withdraw.

CHORUS
In my ethereal flights I have seen many things new and strange and
wondrous beyond belief.  There is a tree called Cleonymus belonging
to an unknown species; it has no heart, is good for nothing and is
as tall as it is cowardly.  In springtime it shoots forth calumnies
instead of buds and in autumn it strews the ground with bucklers in
place of leaves.[1]

Far away in the regions of darkness, where no ray of light ever
enters, there is a country, where men sit at the table of the heroes
and dwell with them always--save always in the evening.  Should any
mortal meet the hero Orestes at night, he would soon be stripped and
covered with blows from head to foot.[2]

f[1] Cleonymous is a standing butt of Aristophanes' wit, both as an informer
and a notorious poltroon.
f[2] In allusion to the cave of the bandit Orestes; the poet terms him a hero
only because of his heroic name Orestes.

PROMETHEUS
Ah! by the gods! if only Zeus does not espy me! Where is Pisthetaerus?

PISTHETAERUS
Ha! what is this?  A masked man!

PROMETHEUS
Can you see any god behind me?

PISTHETAERUS
No, none.  But who are you, pray?

PROMETHEUS
What's the time, please?

PISTHETAERUS
The time?  Why, it's past noon.  Who are you?

PROMETHEUS
Is it the fall of day?  Is it no later than that?[1]

f[1] Prometheus wants night to come and so reduce the risk
of being seen from Olympus.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! 'pon my word! but you grow tiresome.

PROMETHEUS
What is Zeus doing?  Is he dispersing the clouds or gathering them?[1]

f[1] The clouds would prevent Zeus seeing what was happening below him.

PISTHETAERUS
Take care, lest I lose all patience.

PROMETHEUS
Come, I will raise my mask.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! my dear Prometheus!

PROMETHEUS
Stop! stop! speak lower!

PISTHETAERUS
Why, what's the matter, Prometheus?

PROMETHEUS
H'sh! h'sh! Don't call me by my name; you will be my ruin, if Zeus
should see me here.  But, if you want me to tell you how things are
going in heaven, take this umbrella and shield me, so that the gods
don't see me.

PISTHETAERUS
I can recognize Prometheus in this cunning trick.  Come, quick
then, and fear nothing; speak on.

PROMETHEUS
Then listen.

PISTHETAERUS
I am listening, proceed!

PROMETHEUS
It's all over with Zeus.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! and since when, pray?

PROMETHEUS
Since you founded this city in the air.  There is not a man who now
sacrifices to the gods; the smoke of the victims no longer reaches us.
Not the smallest offering comes!  We fast as though it were the
festival of Demeter.[1]  The barbarian gods, who are dying of hunger,
are bawling like Illyrians[2] and threaten to make an armed descent
upon Zeus, if he does not open markets where joints of the victims
are sold.

f[1] The third day of the festival of Demeter was a fast.
f[2] A semi-savage people, addicted to violence and brigandage.

PISTHETAERUS
What! there are other gods besides you, barbarian gods who dwell
above Olympus?

PROMETHEUS
If there were no barbarian gods, who would be the patron of
Execestides?[1]

f[1] Who, being reputed a stranger despite his pretension to the title
of a citizen, could only have a strange god for his patron or
tutelary deity.

PISTHETAERUS
And what is the name of these gods?

PROMETHEUS
Their name?  Why, the Triballi.[1]

f[1] The Triballi were a Thracian people; it was a term commonly used
in  Athens to describe coarse men, obscene debauchees and greedy
parasites.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah, indeed! 'tis from that no doubt that we derive the word
'tribulation.'[1]

f[1] There is a similar pun in the Greek.

PROMETHEUS
Most likely.  But one thing I can tell you for certain, namely,
that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going to send deputies here
to sue for peace.  Now don't you treat, unless Zeus restores the sceptre
to the birds and gives you Basileia[1] in marriage.

f[1] i.e. the 'supremacy' of Greece, the real object of the war.

PISTHETAERUS
Who is this Basileia?

PROMETHEUS
A very fine young damsel, who makes the lightning for Zeus; all
things come from her, wisdom, good laws, virtue, the fleet, calumnies,
the public paymaster and the triobolus.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress to the god.

PROMETHEUS
Yes, precisely.  If he gives you her for your wife, yours will be
the almighty power.  That is what I have come to tell you; for you know
my constant and habitual goodwill towards men.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh, yes! 'tis thanks to you that we roast our meat.[1]

f[1] Prometheus had stolen the fire from the gods to gratify mankind.

PROMETHEUS
I hate the gods, as you know.

PISTHETAERUS
Aye, by Zeus, you have always detested them.

PROMETHEUS
Towards them I am a veritable Timon;[1] but I must return in all
haste, so give me the umbrella; if Zeus should see me from up there,
he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori.[2]

f[1] A celebrated misanthrope, contemporary to Aristophanes. Hating
the  society of men, he had only a single friend, Apimantus, to whom
he was attached, because of their similarity of character; he also
liked Alcibiades, because he foresaw that this young man would be
the ruin of his country.
f[2] The Canephori were young maidens, chosen from the first families
of the city, who carried baskets wreathed with myrtle at the feast
of Athene, while at those of Bacchus and Demeter they appeared
with gilded baskets. --The daughters of 'Metics,' or resident aliens,
walked behind them, carrying an umbrella and a stool.

PISTHETAERUS
Wait, take this stool as well.

CHORUS
Near by the land of the Sciapodes[1] there is a marsh, from the
borders whereof the odious Socrates evokes the souls of men.
Pisander[2] came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when
still alive.  He offered a little victim, a camel,[3] slit his throat
and, following the example of Ulysses, stepped one pace backwards.[4]
Then that bat of a Chaerephon[5] came up from hell to drink the camel's
blood.

f[1] According to Ctesias, the Sciapodes were a people who dwelt
on the borders of the Atlantic. Their feet were larger than the rest
of their bodies, and to shield themselves from the sun's rays they
held up one of their feet as an umbrella. --By giving the Socratic
philosophers the name of Sciapodes here Aristophanes wishes to convey
that they are walking in the dark and busying themselves with
the greatest nonsense.
f[2] This Pisander was a notorious coward; for this reason the poet
jestingly supposes that he had lost his soul, the seat of courage.
f[3] Considering the shape and height of the camel, [it] can certainly
not be included in the list of SMALL victims, e.g. the sheep and
the goat.
f[4] In the evocation of the dead, Book XI of the Odyssey.
f[5] Chaerephon was given this same title by the Herald earlier
in this  comedy. --Aristophanes supposes him to have come from hell
because he is lean and pallid.

POSIDON[1]
This is the city of Nephelococcygia, Cloud-cuckoo-town, whither we come
as ambassadors.  (TO TRIBALLUS)  Hi! what are you up to? you are
throwing your cloak over the left shoulder.  Come, fling it quick over
the right!  And why, pray, does it draggle in this fashion?  Have you
ulcers to hide like Laespodias?[2]  Oh! democracy![3] whither, oh!
whither are you leading us?  Is it possible that the gods have chosen
such an envoy?

f[1] Posidon appears on the stage accompanied by Heracles and
a  Triballian god.
f[2] An Athenian general. --Neptune is trying to give Triballus some
notions of elegance and good behaviour.
f[3] Aristophanes supposes that democracy is in the ascendant in Olympus
as it is in Athens.

TRIBALLUS
Leave me alone.

POSIDON
Ugh! the cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all
the gods. --Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do?

HERACLES
I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who has
dared to block us in.

POSIDON
But, my friend, we are envoys of peace.

HERACLES
All the more reason why I wish to strangle him.

PISTHETAERUS
Hand me the cheese-grater; bring me the silphium for sauce; pass
me the cheese and watch the coals.[1]

f[1] He is addressing his servant, Manes.

HERACLES
Mortal! we who greet you are three gods.

PISTHETAERUS
Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle.

HERACLES
What are these meats?[1]

f[1] Heracles softens at sight of the food. --Heracles is the glutton
of the comic poets.

PISTHETAERUS
These are birds that have been punished with death for attacking
the people's friends.

HERACLES
And you are seasoning them before answering us?

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What's the matter?[1]

f[1] He pretends not to have seen them at first, being so much engaged
with his cookery.

HERACLES
The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace.

A SERVANT
There's no more oil in the flask.

PISTHETAERUS
And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it.[1]

f[1] He pretends to forget the presence of the ambassadors.

HERACLES
We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be
friends and we promise that you shall always have rain-water in your
pools and the warmest of warm weather.  So far as these points go we
are armed with plenary authority.

PISTHETAERUS
We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as well
disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one
equitable condition, namely, that Zeus yield his sceptre to the birds.
If only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner.

HERACLES
That's good enough for me.  I vote for peace.

POSIDON
You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton.  Do you
want to dethrone your own father?

PISTHETAERUS
What an error!  Why, the gods will be much more powerful if the
birds govern the earth.  At present the mortals are hidden beneath
the clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your
name; but if you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after
having sworn by the crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath,
the crow would dive down upon him unawares and pluck out his eye.

POSIDON
Well thought of, by Posidon![1]

f[1] Posidon jestingly swears by himself.

HERACLES
My notion too.

PISTHETAERUS (TO THE TRIBALLIAN)
And you, what's your opinion?

TRIBALLUS
Nabaisatreu.[1]

f[1] The barbarian god utters some gibberish which Pisthetaerus 
interprets into consent.

PISTHETAERUS
D'you see? he also approves.  But hear another thing in which we can
serve you.  If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to some god, and then
procrastinates, pretending that the gods can wait, and thus does not
keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess.

POSIDON
Ah! ah! and how?

PISTHETAERUS
While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite will
relieve him, before he knows it, either in coin or in clothes, of
the value of a couple of sheep, and carry it to the god.

HERACLES
I vote for restoring them the sceptre.

POSIDON
Ask the Triballian.

HERACLES
Hi Triballian, do you want a thrashing?

TRIBALLUS
Saunaka baktarikrousa.

HERACLES
He says, "Right willingly."

POSIDON
If that be the opinion of both of you, why, I consent too.

HERACLES
Very well! we accord the sceptre.

PISTHETAERUS
Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition.  I will leave Here
to Zeus, but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage.

POSIDON
Then you don't want peace.  Let us withdraw.

PISTHETAERUS
It matters mighty little to me.  Cook, look to the gravy.

HERACLES
What an odd fellow this Posidon is!  Where are you off to?  Are we
going to war about a woman?

POSIDON
What else is there to do?

HERACLES
What else?  Why, conclude peace.

POSIDON
Oh! you ninny! do you always want to be fooled?  Why, you are seeking
your own downfall.  If Zeus were to die, after having yielded
them the sovereignty, you would be ruined, for you are the heir of all
the wealth he will leave behind.

PISTHETAERUS
Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you.  Step aside, that I may
have a word with you.  Your uncle is getting the better of you, my poor
friend.[1]  The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal
property, for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child.

f[1] Heracles, the god of strength, was far from being remarkable
in the way of cleverness.

HERACLES
I a bastard! What's that you tell me?

PISTHETAERUS
Why, certainly; are you not born of a stranger woman?  Besides,
is not Athene recognized as Zeus' sole heiress?  And no daughter
would be that, if she had a legitimate brother.

HERACLES
But what if my father wished to give me his property on his
death-bed, even though I be a bastard?

PISTHETAERUS
The law forbids it, and this same Posidon would be the first to
lay claim to his wealth, in virtue of being his legitimate brother.
Listen; thus runs Solon's law: "A bastard shall not inherit, if
there are legitimate children; and if there are no legitimate
children, the property shall pass to the nearest kin."[1]

f[1] This was Athenian law.

HERACLES
And I get nothing whatever of the paternal property?

PISTHETAERUS
Absolutely nothing.  But tell me, has your father had you entered
on the registers of his phratria?[1]

f[1] The poet attributes to the gods the same customs as those
which governed Athens, and according to which no child was
looked upon as legitimate unless his father had entered him
on the registers of his  phratria.  The phratria was a division
of the tribe and consisted of thirty families.

HERACLES
No, and I have long been surprised at the omission.

PISTHETAERUS
What ails you, that you should shake your fist at heaven?  Do you want
to fight it?  Why, be on my side, I will make you a king and will feed
you on bird's milk and honey.

HERACLES
Your further condition seems fair to me.  I cede you the young
damsel.

POSIDON
But I, I vote against this opinion.

PISTHETAERUS
Then it all depends on the Triballian.  (TO THE TRIBALLIAN.) What do
you say?

TRIBALLUS
Big bird give daughter pretty and queen.

HERACLES
You say that you give her?

POSIDON
Why no, he does not say anything of the sort, that he gives her; else
I cannot understand any better than the swallows.

PISTHETAERUS
Exactly so.  Does he not say she must be given to the swallows?

POSIDON
Very well! you two arrange the matter; make peace, since you
wish it so; I'll hold my tongue.

HERACLES
We are of a mind to grant you all that you ask.  But come up
there with us to receive Basileia and the celestial bounty.

PISTHETAERUS
Here are birds already cut up, and very suitable for a nuptial feast.

HERACLES
You go and, if you like, I will stay here to roast them.

PISTHETAERUS
You to roast them! you are too much the glutton; come along with us.

HERACLES
Ah! how well I would have treated myself!

PISTHETAERUS
Let some[one] bring me a beautiful and magnificent tunic for the
wedding.

CHORUS[1]
At Phanae,[2] near the Clepsydra,[3] there dwells a people who have
neither faith nor law, the Englottogastors,[4] who reap, sow, pluck
the vines and the figs[5] with their tongues; they belong to a barbaric
race, and among them the Philippi and the Gorgiases[6] are to be found;
'tis these Englottogastorian Philippi who introduced the custom all over
Attica of cutting out the tongue separately at sacrifices.[7]

f[1] The chorus continues to tell what it has seen on its flights.
f[2] The harbour of the island of Chios; but this name is here used
in the sense of being the land of informers ([from the Greek for]
'to denounce').
f[3] i.e. near the orators' platform, in the Public Assembly, or because
there stood the water-clock, by which speeches were limited.
f[4] A coined name, made up of [the Greek for] the tongue, and [for]
the stomach, and meaning those who fill their stomach with what they
gain with their tongues, to wit, the orators.
f[5] [The Greek for] a fig forms part of the word which in Greek means
an informer.
f[6] Both rhetoricians.
f[7] Because they consecrated it specially to the god of eloquence.

A MESSENGER
Oh, you, whose unbounded happiness I cannot express in words,
thrice happy race of airy birds, receive your king in your fortunate
dwellings.  More brilliant than the brightest star that illumes the
earth, he is approaching his glittering golden palace; the sun
itself does not shine with more dazzling glory.  He is entering with
his bride at his side,[1] whose beauty no human tongue can express; in
his hand he brandishes the lightning, the winged shaft of Zeus;
perfumes of unspeakable sweetness pervade the ethereal realms.  'Tis
a glorious spectacle to see the clouds of incense wafting in light
whirlwinds before the breath of the Zephyr!  But here he is himself.
Divine Muse! let thy sacred lips begin with songs of happy omen.

f[1] Basileia, whom he brings back from heaven.

CHORUS
Fall back! to the right! to the left! advance![1] Fly around this
happy mortal, whom Fortune loads with her blessings.  Oh! oh! what
grace! what beauty!  Oh, marriage so auspicious for our city!  All
honour to this man! 'tis through him that the birds are called to such
glorious destinies.  Let your nuptial hymns, your nuptial songs,
greet him and his Basileia!  'Twas in the midst of such festivities
that the Fates formerly united Olympian Here to the King who governs
the gods from the summit of his inaccessible throne.  Oh! Hymen! oh!
Hymenaeus! Rosy Eros with the golden wings held the reins and guided
the chariot; 'twas he, who presided over the union of Zeus and the
fortunate Here.  Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!

f[1] Terms used in regulating a dance.

PISTHETAERUS
I am delighted with your songs, I applaud your verses.  Now
celebrate the thunder that shakes the earth, the flaming lightning
of Zeus and the terrible flashing thunderbolt.

CHORUS
Oh, thou golden flash of the lightning! oh, ye divine shafts
of flame, that Zeus has hitherto shot forth!  Oh, ye rolling thunders,
that bring down the rain!  'Tis by the order of OUR king that ye
shall now stagger the earth!  Oh, Hymen! 'tis through thee that he
commands the universe and that he makes Basileia, whom he has robbed
from Zeus, take her seat at his side.  Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!

PISTHETAERUS
Let all the winged tribes of our fellow-citizens follow the bridal
couple to the palace of Zeus[1] and to the nuptial couch!  Stretch forth
your hands, my dear wife!  Take hold of me by my wings and let us
dance; I am going to lift you up and carry you through the air.

f[1] Where Pisthetaerus is henceforth to reign.

CHORUS
Oh, joy! Io Paean! Tralala! victory is thing, oh, thou greatest of the gods!